Comments (9)

lisa quinlan

I am so happy for the two of
I am so happy for the two of you, what a celebration that will be. I’m also so thankful for your willingness to share the continued journey. Living honestly as who we are is courageous, and particularly with the two of you- beautiful!


This is beautifully written
This is beautifully written and really captures the day-to-day struggles we sometimes go through in just living our lives. I appreciate you sharing this experience of “not” coming out to the saleswoman – although I am out and proud in my own life 99.9% of the time, sometimes correcting strangers’ heteronormative assumptions feels like too much emotional work. Sometimes I just want to get done and get out without having to a) explain or justify my identity; b) FEEL like I have to justify it due to the look on the other person’s face once I correct them, or d) make THEM feel better because after correcting them, they sometimes apologize profusely.

Yuck to all of the above. Thank you for your amazing post and I hope you and your wife-to-be have the absolute best wedding ever!!


Thank you so much for this. I
Thank you so much for this. I also was raised very Christian, and the lengthy process of accepting myself followed by accepting that much of the Church (and my family) wouldn’t do the same has been a difficult one. From the other side, I feel incredibly blessed every time a kid who’s struggling with his/her sexuality asks me if it really will be all right, and I can assure them that it will. I have a wonderful partner, a wonderful life full of people who love me as I am, and if the price I have to pay for that is endlessly coming out, I’m willing.

Susan Hall

This is a beautifully written
This is a beautifully written piece–you made me get all teared up as I read. I hadn’t really thought about how the coming out process happens again and again and again even once you’re outer-than-out!! So thanks for educating me. And bravo for your courage…and your upcoming wedding. Love you!!


After coming out for the
After coming out for the 100th or so time, it becomes like flipping a coin: “Do I come out and risk being alone because of rejection or do I not come out and stay alone because I’m unknown.” Or you come out to strangers, not the same risk, not the same reward. Or find yourself testing the water before diving in because you’ve been burned so many times and are not sure of the wisdom of coming out at a KKK rally.


Tell just one person. . . the
Tell just one person. . . the fear and shame of having been told what I am by narrow-minded or over-eager liberated people since I was nine years old keeps me silent. Closet is not the word for it- more a dungeon underground. I have no doubt it would make a difference. I just don’t want that freedom badly enough to risk the possible trauma that has accompanied being outed against my will in the past.


Thank you for your honest
Thank you for your honest explanation of your situation. I am constantly telling people how hard it is to have to come out over and over again when planning for the big wedding day! And it’s completely understandable to “take the easy way out” from time to time and just walk away from a situation to save yourself the mental stress, or the person to whom you are speaking the mental stress of being corrected. Your strength and faith are an inspiration!!! Thanks…

Kat Katsanis~Semel

Thank you for sharing your
Thank you for sharing your brave story, and your insightful perspective. The more authentic voices out there, the better. As a lesbian, I understand all that you expressed. Totally get it!! My prayer for you is that you balance your evident courage with self-compassion. Sometimes the fiercest LGBT advocates (myself included), can also experience normal human moments. : – ) Alright, stay strong, and keep shining your light, Candice. And a big “congrats” to you and your fiancee. I hope that your wedding is just wonderful. All the best to you both — Sincerely, Kat, Interfaith Chaplain, New York University Center for Spiritual Life


Congratulations! I understand
Congratulations! I understand what you mean completely–I fear coming out to even my closest friends because I live smack-dab in the middle of the Bible Belt–Arkansas! It’s awful going to family reunions and things and being asked what boy I’m dating and having to bite my tongue when all I want to do is babble on and on and on about my current wonderful girlfriend or the cute girl in band I’m working up the guts to ask out. Thank you for reminding me once again that I’m not alone–I know I’m not, deep down inside, but sometimes, it’s very, very difficult to believe it.
I hope you have a happy, long, healthy marriage and the most lovely wedding you can imagine! I am praying for your happiness. :3

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