LGBT Parents & Allies

How My Queer Son Became More Than A Blessing To Me

by Renee Lawrence

When I was pregnant with my son, my thoughts were muffled with unspeakable joy, of course, coupled with a touch of fear; as well as the sounds of 2am feedings, dirty diapers, fatigue, birthday parties filled with screaming crumb snatchers, 3 meals a day, playing games, lots of questions, and being able, by God’s grace and mercy, to figure out how I was going to keep my child alive in a world filled with controversy, complexities and ungodliness.

I knew my child was going to be a definite blessing from God.  

But I didn’t fathom having a child that would make this world stand up and take notice in such a life-changing way, simply by being a uniquely defined human being—one who the world was afraid to embrace.

Nor could I imagine my child would present to me a different God of my understanding—a God that redefines religious rhetoric, taking what the world deems as wrong and creating a voice that can renew minds, initiate change, and influence unity.

Yet, He accomplished just that within the very essence of my son, Mr. Timothy W. DuWhite. The voice of victory!

The mother in me saw my son’s uniqueness.  

And I felt in my spirit the confusion that was within his. Some things can’t be explained, but a “mother knows,” and I knew from early on that my son would grow up to love differently.

At first, I was hesitant to face the facts. Even though I have never been judgmental against gay people, I didn’t think God would allow my son to face opposition or even hate simply because of him being himself. I didn’t want to believe it.

So I questioned my interpretation of my son, chalking it up to my mind being filled with confusion concerning my own experiences and childhood. I never voiced my thoughts to anyone because I didn’t want what I thought was my own negativity to be placed on my child.

All I knew was when I looked at him, a special little boy, I believed—even before he could conceive that he would grow up to love differently—that he was going to teach me the depths of TRUE love.

And, he has. As he has grown up, my queer son has empowered me.

My son has forced me gently to look beyond what was safe and obvious, while enabling me to take a hold of the TRUTH of the matter. He is the best part of me.

God’s Word can’t possibly be understood by a simple-minded individual; it is vast and evolving from human being to human being.

But I do know God is love (1 John 4:8), and I know He loves my son—and His son—Tim. There isn’t anyone then or now that loves the way my son loves. He is the sweetest spirit I have ever known. I love him just as he is.

And, I know God created him the way He did for a purpose that only Tim can fulfill. 

There are moments now when the world’s ideology makes me nervous for my baby boy. But my son is now the epitome of God’s grace and goodness, and still, he will forever be MORE THAN A BLESSING TO ME!

Photo provided by Renee Lawrence