LGBT Parents & Allies

How Love Heals: A Mother’s Journey To Wholeness After Loss

by Jane Clementi

Picking up the many pieces from a shattered and broken life is not as simple as gluing together a cracked clay pot. It takes so much more. For me it has taken great patience, much time, and a large dose of faith.

My journey has been difficult and rocky just like so many other peoples.

I know I am not alone. I have learned that although our journeys may not look the same there are many other people who sadly can relate to the emotional pain, heartache and grief that I have experienced.

But life continues. After my son Tyler’s death, I saw the rest of the world move on in the midst of my emptiness and nothingness. Every special day and holiday was excruciating, so incomplete as I was not complete, as my family was not complete.

And yet, ever so slowly I have been brought back to life. I was not abandoned in that broken place, my life was put back together in many new and wondrous ways. My world was in some ways glued back together by extraordinary means, by GOD’s “Super Glue”.

In this new place I have a much clearer view and understanding of just how important completeness is.

Just how fortunate and blessed a person is to find that special person who brings that feeling of wholeness, unconditional support and encouragement—someone who just makes everything feel possible. Someone who will stand by you and wants to share their life with you no matter what. Someone you are attracted to, someone whom you love and who loves you back.

To find just the right person who you love and who loves you back is very special indeed. How fortunate for my son, James, that he has found his special soulmate, Ramon.

It is with a very grateful heart that I was able to watch my son’s relationship blossom from friendship, through courtship, to romance, and now to commitment. What a wonderful opportunity and blessing to remain a part of your child’s life, to be an eyewitness to this natural life cycle experience, a wonderful and beautiful stage in a child’s developmental journey.

So when James and Ramon announced their engagement and talked of a very quick and small intimate event, my only request was to ”please let me be present.”

It was more like a plea than a request: ”Please do not elope, please let me be a part of your special day.” Because I simply cannot understand how there are parents who think that GOD would actually instruct a parent to refuse to be present at their child’s wedding.

GOD would never call you to do anything against HIS character and it is totally against GOD’s character to cause so much pain, hardship, confusion, chaos and emotional torment for all parties involved. This is simply something that I cannot even wrap my head around. Parents that would refuse to be present at their children’s wedding because of man-made dogma are confusing GOD’s good and perfect love with man-made dogma/ This is sheer craziness to me.

Because although the day was bittersweet for me, since our family was not all present and together, it was a wonderful blessing to be a part of James and Ramon’s most special day. To witness James and Ramon declare their unconditional love and commitment to each other as they professed their vows to each other before friends, family and GOD.

It was the perfect day to profess their love to each other publicly and forever, as it was Valentine’s Day, the universal day of love!

Now that is how healing begins, sharing important moment with the ones we love most. That is what is helping to bring me back to the land of the living, one tiny step at a time.

Photo provided by Jane Clementi

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Comments (1)

Gary Paul Wright

Thank you, Jane Clementi.
Thank you, Jane Clementi. Your words rock!!!

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