LGBT Parents & Allies

A Christian Mom’s Call To Do The Right Thing

by Dana Smith

As a mother of a gay son, I don’t think you can really understand where an LGBTQ person is coming from unless you come from a place of intense love. I don’t know that the LGBTQ issue would have registered much on my radar if I didn’t have someone whom I loved intensely struggling with his sexual identity.

I wonder how many pastors have actually taken the time to get to know people who identify as LGBTQ?

I can’t comprehend how anyone, after listening to their struggles, could look them in the eye and tell them they are unworthy of God’s love. How can anyone think they have the right to do that? There is no choice in sexuality or gender. There is NO CHOICE!

My son heard for years that he was an abomination to God and going to Hell as he sat in his Christian school chapel. He prayed for God to take away the same-sex attractions he had, and God didn’t, because God already knew how God had made him.

When the Christian school found out that my son was gay, they promptly expelled the straight-A, Honor Society student even though my son was only just questioning his sexuality and not “out” yet. He contemplated suicide, and went through a horrible time of self-mutilation because the church was telling him that God didn’t love him.

This is not a new phenomenon.

LGBTQ people have always lived among us, struggling to “fit in.” Christian LGBTQ people have it even harder, because they’ve done the research. I think they know the Bible probably better than most pastors because they so often seek the answers to why God won’t change them.

So when Christian denominations turn LGBTQ people away, again and again, it’s no wonder they leave the “church” or turn their backs on God.

As a conservative Christian, I always thought the point of being a Christian was to live like Jesus and show people how they were sinning. But After my son “came out,” my black and white glasses were removed, and I saw the beautiful colors of God’s world.

I was striving to follow the rules to be a good Christian, but I neglected to remember that Jesus told us the greatest commandment is to love one another, not judge one another. We should be leading people to Christ and let Christ do the needed work in their lives.

We can’t begin to truly understand God and the Bible.

We are merely human and God is so much bigger than the box we try to put God in. There are over 33,000 Christian denominations just because people disagree on theology, organization, and tradition.

What would happen if, instead of judging people for perceived sins, we just love them instead? What would that magnificent church look like, where no one is turned away from the glory and love of God? Does The UMC really want to be the reason that someone stopped believing in God?

Out of all of the sins, I could commit, I feel that is number one.

I left The United Methodist Church because I couldn’t stand hearing that my son wouldn’t be accepted, or able to be married, or even have a place of “power” within the church.

I can’t be in any church where people are denied to serve the Lord.

There was a time when I sat in a fundamental church who separated from The United Methodist Church in the 1960’s because The UMC was becoming too liberal!

I have reconnected with The UMC through a wonderful pastor, and she is filled with the love of Jesus. I like attending this church because of her, but I would never again join a church which isn’t inclusive of ALL people.

I’ll leave you with a final note: just recently, the world lost a beautiful soul, a young transgender man who was very active in charitable service and a Christian. He was denied being baptized by his pastor.

If that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable as a Christian, then change will never happen.

Let’s stop worrying about making sure everyone else is doing the right thing, and do THE right thing ourselves by just loving and accepting people where they are.

Originally published by Reconciling Ministries Network; Photo via flickr Eduardo Merille

Comments (3)

Deb Gallagher

Dana, as a fellow mama bear,
Dana, as a fellow mama bear, I thank you. We are in a club that shouldn’t have to exist. Someday soon, I hope we make ourselves obsolete!

Kenneth Scott

It’s Barbara, Kenneth’s wife
It’s Barbara, Kenneth’s wife who is writing this. What a wonderfully written article. I was a fundamental Christian until I was challenged by the struggle of my son. You are so right, it is NOT a choice. Our denomination, The United Free Church of Scotland, won’t recognise LGBT folks. I believe the love of God is greater than the condemnation of man. We certainly don’t want to lose our son; we embrace who he is and love him dearly, as we believe God does. To have read your very clear, open piece was very encouraging. Thank you.


THANK YOU for sharing! Thank
THANK YOU for sharing! Thank you for showing that not all Christians are blind.
I was taught that ALL people are worthy of all rights.
My parents tried to get me and my sister baptized FOR YEARS. All of the churches refused to baptize us because my parents weren’t married (although faithful to each other for 34 years, when my dad passed) until 1992 when a Catholic Father (of all people) agreed to do it.
I refuse to go to a church where all people aren’t accepted. I attend and am a member of UMC, but hopeful that we will eventually change the overall UMC outlook on these topics. But the PEOPLE of this Church LOVE ALL.
Jesus called us to do so. THAT is the Biblical law that I am most concerned with following. Thank you again for braving posting this!

Comments are closed.