One foot out, One foot in

I was savved at the age of 9. I was always the girl that did everything, I sang in the adult and youth chior, I was a bible drill team member, I was in a drama ministry, I would help teach and counsel, anything the churc was doing I was doing. So when I moved to a new town when I was 11 I had trouble making friends. The first true friend I had was a girl named Lauren. People always tried to tell me these stories about her and how wrong and horrible she is, but i would never listen. One day she said that the reason they said that stuff was because she was bi. Well, at the time i didnt know what that ment, shure i had heard of homosexuality and knew what gay was but this well this was knew. So I did my research and was like ok I can handle this as long as I am not this way. Well that summer I realized that I was in love with her and didnt know what to do. All I knew was that I was going against God and surely he hated me. So not knowing where else to turn I went to the youth director of my southern Baptist church, and since then we have talked maybe 3 times and it has been 4 years. I finally came out to a few friends which didnt work ut to well since I live in east Tennessee. So me and heer dated on and off and I strayed from god and drifted into depression and suicidal thoughts which were not helped by drugs and alcohol. We finally made it into high school and things got a little better, and people started to forget. Well at this point my parents found old notes and went baserk an sent me to a preacher for counseling. So i refound my faith and claimed to be "curred" well as i went on throughout highschool to my present day senior yr, I have had several girlfriends, and several boyfriends, as well as learned to accept my self as a bi christian. I remember one day my freshman yr being in so much turmoil from the drugs and the alcohol and the depression that i looked in the mirror and didnt like what i saw so i decided to turn back to god, accept myself, and leave the deepression and substance abbuse behind. I am out to mosst of my friends, my teachers, some of my church, but still acting straight for my family. I am joining the Air Force in a week and plan on coming out completely when I get back from boot camp. Today I fully accept myself and am ready to get thhe other foot out.