When I first came out as bisexual, I had no idea how to be both bisexual and Christian at the same time.
I didn’t even know that bisexual Christians existed.
I had a vague notion of how some lesbian and gay Christians had reconciled their sexuality and their faith, but their stories never completely spoke to mine. They couldn’t.
How could a lesbian or gay Christian discuss the decision to come out as bi and open themselves to censure despite being in or pursuing only seemingly straight relationships? How could their stories answer my questions about whether or not being attracted to more than one gender was inherently incompatible with being a Christian?
In the three years since I first came out, I have been exposed to a lot more lesbian and gay Christian stories; but I still find it difficult to discover bisexual Christian ones. While there are many solid generic bisexual resources online and a good number of LG-focused Christian ones, the resources for bisexual Christians are limited.
This means that the concerns that affect bisexuals are often not answered even in affirming Christian communities.
With that in mind, here are five things I wish someone had told me about being a bi Christian when I first came out. These messages of hope are by no means all-inclusive of the concerns I or others in the bi Christian community have had, but they address some of the biggest concerns that consumed me during my first couple of years coming out.
1. Being Bisexual Isn’t A Sin
I wish that someone had told me that being attracted to more than one gender didn’t make me more likely to be a lukewarm “fence-sitter” in my faith, or lust-driven heathen in my relationships. I wish someone had told me that I didn’t have to keep a tight rein on my attractions to girls and non-binary people in order to keep my sexuality pure enough for Christian circles. I wish someone had told me that being bisexual wasn’t inherently more sinful than being straight or gay could ever be.
2. I Can Be A Faithful, Bisexual Christian
I wish someone had told me that regardless of what anybody thought about my sexuality, my calling from God would not be taken away because of my bisexuality. I wish someone had told me that my sexuality did not get in the way of my ability to serve God or be a ministry leader or worship. I wish someone had said that God was not trying to force me to choose a side by having my coming out process take place largely in Christian environments.
3. Bisexuality Is A Gift
I wish someone had told me that allowing my sexuality to change my faith would strengthen not weaken my Christianity. I wish someone had told me that letting the multiplicity of my sexuality color my view of my faith would teach me to appreciate multiplicity within the body of Christ. I wish someone had told me that weaving my bisexuality into my Christianity would give me the courage to fight for room for everyone at the table of God.
4. Christianity Makes Room For Bisexuality
I wish someone had told me that my both/and sexuality has a place in Christianity. I wish someone had reminded me that I serve a God who makes room not only for either/or situations, but also both/and situations—a God who allows us to choose either life or death by offering as sacrifice for us a Son who is both God and man.
5. We Are Not Alone
Mostly, I wish someone had been around to tell me that bi Christians exist—in churches, in communities, in ministry. We are not an anomaly, a problem, or an imaginary creature.
Bisexual Christians exist, and we are loved and used by God every single day.
Photo via flickr user Mary