To Christian Parents of Gay Children

“You want to shove those words back in and put the lid on. But you can’t. Your child is gay. This goes against everything you’ve been taught. It was not what you had in mind, and you instantly wonder where you went wrong.”

When you become a parent, you know to expect the unexpected. But for many Christian parents, nothing can prepare them to hear that their beloved child is gay. This is the child you have cradled, spoon fed mashed bananas, and dreamed a beautiful future for. How could this be? What will the church say? What will your friends say? What does the future hold? You can’t even get your head around this.

If you are a Christian parent, family member or friend to whom your loved one has come out as gay or lesbian, then this is for you.

I invite you to sit down, relax, maybe get a cup of tea, and soak in what I’m about to tell you. My hope is to guide you as we walk for a bit through this maze of confusion, to help you find your way to wholeness. In many Christian circles, this is not good news, and you may begin to spiral into reflection and self-searching. We’ll get to that. But at the bottom of it all, this is not about you. Most parents’ first mistake is to make it about them instead of about their son or daughter. So let’s talk about some of the major stumbling blocks for Christian parents.

1. This is not an offense against you.

This is not something your child did to you. They did not “choose gayness” to rebel against you, get back at you or make your life miserable. In fact, it really has nothing do with you. You did not cause this; it’s not a failure on your part. As a younger Christian, taught that homosexuality is a sin, I believed that trauma somewhere in someone’s past caused homosexuality, even if they didn’t remember it. To my surprise, God completely shifted my understanding and revealed to me the many people who had a great childhood are still gay. He also reminded me of the many straight people who had traumatic childhoods, yet remained straight. Your expectations may lay shattered at your feet. But those are your expectations for your child. Quite simply, they may not be God’s expectations. Ask God to replace your vision for your child with His.

2. This orientation is not news to your child. 

They likely did not tell you the first time they noticed their same-sex attraction. In fact, they have probably lived with this quite a long time. They had to discover how true it was. They had to watch other young teens grow into puberty, and realize they weren’t developing the same feelings. Perhaps they dated the opposite gender to see if passion might develop, and yet none did. By the time they come out to you, they are pretty sure of what they’re saying. You may have to work through a slate of brand new emotions about this, and your emotions will affect them, but theirs are not brand new. Do not ask them if they are sure, if maybe they want to take a little time and see what happens. Instead, consider the journey they have been through. Ask them things like, “When did you know?” “How long have you felt this way?” and tell them how you are grateful that they are including you, that they don’t have to go through this alone anymore.

3. Now is a key time to embrace your child.

Imagine for a moment the courage it took to tell you about their sexuality, especially when they know it seems to contradict your core beliefs. In this moment, your child needs to know he/she/they did the right thing by telling you. You may flood with fear, doubt, anger, grief, disappointment, shame, anguish or guilt, but do not let those hinder you from expressing your unconditional love and admiration for your child. Your child will have their own list of emotions to deal with; don’t hand them yours. Give yourself time to process all of your own emotions. Be kind to yourself and your child through this.

4. They were terrified to tell you. 

The risk they took is very real. Some gay teens have been shamed, banished, threatened, beaten, and shunned. They know that once it is said, it cannot be unsaid. They took this chance either because they trusted you and hoped for the best, or because they could not stand to live inauthentically any longer. You have a strong child. Be proud. You have the opportunity to make the most of their trust and come through for them with the unconditional love of a parent. That’s your job as a parent and a Christian — to love unconditionally.

5. Praying, wishing and believing will not make your child straight. 

If doing these things meant that homosexuality would not visit a Christian home, then we wouldn’t see it cropping up so often. I have heard countless stories of people who prayed without ceasing, but nothing changed. Picture with me the false faith-healers who pray to heal audience members’ maladies; when there is no result, those charlatans tell the poor kid in the wheelchair, “Maybe next time you’ll have enough faith to be healed.” Where does that place the blame? If anyone has ever been healed in that setting, it is God’s choice, not the one in the wheelchair. Has anyone prayed themselves straight? I don’t know. Meanwhile, countless stories of those who prayed, did everything right, followed every suggestion, and poured themselves wholeheartedly into being straight–only to experience disappointment and self-loathing. Your child does not deserve this.

6. For teens, there are still many changes to come. 

Don’t panic! Let them discover themselves. What did you know at 18 that you feel the same about today? Come to think of it, sexual orientation is probably one of the few things you were sure about. Do not require a certain life path for your son or daughter at this time when the world is their oyster. Haven’t we yet learned how crippling it is to have to please someone else? Do not tell them that it is a phase that will wear off. Acknowledge how far they have come, that they have an exciting future, and that you will be with them every step of the way. If they discover that their orientation may not be what they thought, then they alone will discover that. Telling them you are praying that they change, or that they will likely “straighten out” as they get older, will only distance them from you. Worst of all, do not send them to “reorientation” camp. This traumatizes countless teens, cementing deep shame and self-hatred.

7. Adult children are out of your hands. 

Even more than teens, adult children are beyond your parental authority. You have done your best as a parent, however flawed you were. (We all were!) You must trust God with this child you have raised. Embrace them and love them as a fellow believer–Jesus asks that of you. Do not shun them or take other action, which will only alienate you from their lives. Instead, look forward to the many major life events ahead, and be there for them as you wanted your parents to be there for you.

8. Put other peoples’ responses aside. 

The opinion of your pastor, your Bible group, or your extended family are not as important as your son or daughter’s well-being. Put others’ opinions aside and focus on how God would lead you specifically. If you can’t say in your heart that your child is more important than others’ opinions, then seek the Lord about this and ask Him to restore your priorities.

9. Bear your son’s or daughter’s burdens.

Let the weight of unanswered questions and discomfort rest on you. You are not the one being pressured to change your identity. Your child has the whole rest of the world to navigate; you are uniquely equipped to help bear their burden and so fulfill the law of Christ, as Galatians 6:2 tells us. Your relationship with your child calls for that much. Don’t press for answers or easy solutions. As with other big events in life, get comfortable with not knowing, and patiently let God reveal answers in His timing.

10. Finally, remember that we are not responsible to change people’s behavior. 

Not our job, even with our children, especially as they get older. If you think you’re going to make your pianist into a football player, give it up now. Jesus is not about behavior modification; He is about life, His life flowing through us. That is what grace (kharis) means — to let Jesus’ love flow through us instead of feeling obligated to fix everything. Your job is to love people, especially your child. Let God use this situation to show you what it means to love unconditionally. While we love others, God is at work in ways we can’t see.

I discuss Bible passages in depth in many posts on this blog. I encourage you to read more posts here, and look at my resources page, if you like. But please understand that even if we disagree, nothing changes regarding our responsibility, our blessing as a Mom or a Dad to unconditionally love, accept and affirm our gay children – as God has done with us.

This road is likely not one you would have chosen, nor initially welcomed. But if you seek it, God will show you the beauty of the journey.

Perhaps God has chosen you for such a time as this, to shine love amidst all the anger and hate (even if your beliefs about it never change).

Perhaps God will work through you to restore the love of Jesus that has been so maligned to a group of people who need God — as we all do. God is good at giving us quandaries we didn’t expect, to rock our little tiny worldviews. God shakes everything that can be shaken until all that’s left is what is unshakeable. Cling to God in this time, and you will discover something wonderful — for you and your family.

Click HERE to learn more about the book this article developed into!

Originally published by Patheos; Photo via flickr user Steve Koukoulas

 

Comments (50)

Oh yes, this was me. My daughter dropped a couple of hints to start me trying to wrap my head around the idea. My daughter with two children. My daughter who has men falling all over themselves to do anything for her...It got me studying the subject and I've done a complete about face on the subject.

We've been here. We have tried to hide from the problem, then thought it was all our fault, then slowly realised that we needed to love our child. Our faith has needed some hard re-consideration: from fundamentalists to activists now as straight allies. We're proud of our child and want to be there for them every step of the way, and the problems we may have with this are nothing compared to the difficulties they have or will face: but we will be there.

This is good advice. I am actually "gay" myself so this is not the problem I faced with my teenagers but they did manage to throw some unexpected challenges my way and the idea that I need to trust their walk with God and not try to manipulate them to my vision is good advice for any parent. And comforting. Sometimes unconditional love looks like taking a step back and not clinging (you didn;t say that but what you did say transfers). Thank you for sharing God's good news to parents of gay children, to parents in general.

Homosexuality is a sin. God calls same sex relations an abomination unto him. There's no mincing of words. Love tor child, but also lead them to the knowledge that loving a sindul lifestyle is not acceptable to God.

When one loves their child, Christian or not, they need to speak truth to them. In love? Most certainly. One must need to speak to their sexually confused child all the truth, with all the love. Not some of the truth with all the love. Further... speaking all the truth with only some of the love, or, God forbid, all the truth with none of the love, could be disastrous in more ways than can be imagined. Is a watered down Gospel the truth? Far from it, and this site is, sadly, filled with watery gray matter that is nothing more than a moral relativism. Compassionate, well-meaning contributors, who are attempting to comfort those who may choose to live in the darkness, instead of doing what can be done to bring them into the light. As a parent, this is one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. Still, as I continue to mature as a Christian, I've learned the ever deepening truth about how genuinely living as a Christian, in this world, will not be easy. At The Same Time... I continue to, daily, experience God's amazing grace, mercy, and blessings. All of which are a sure and steady anchor for my soul. On the mountain tops, and in the valleys. Those without ears to hear the truth so often want to judge, condemn, and even shout down those who stand upon the truth. The truth that the full gospel, is the full truth. To claim or proclaim that genuine truth is anything less than that is simply to spew one of satan's most powerful deceits upon all those within spewing distance. Moral relativism. A bandage of temporary comfort for a broken or potentially broken brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. Brothers and sisters who desperately need to hear and to know All Of The Truth, With ALL THE LOVE. With all the love that Christ Jesus showed us, as he died, for us, on the cross. Did he almost die? Did he sort of rise? Are we taught, anywhere in the Bible, that it's ok for us to be almost a Christian? That it's ok for us to sort of pick and choose different little bits of scripture, while ignoring the other bits that don't comfortably fit with our "personal" Christian beliefs? I will not apologize for pointing out that this is exactly what the contributors to this site are doing. No matter how sensitively they spin it, no matter how caring and compassionate their portrayal, that is what they’re doing. I mean no offense in asking the following questions, and I must ask them. Do the contributors to this website genuinely believe that they are giving people real hope? Maybe. Are they being used by satan. Yes. We need all remember, as repeatedly proclaimed in the Psalms, and demonstrated in many other places in God’s word, that Our Hope Is In The Lord! We are all created in God's own image. Satan doesn't like that. Our God Saves. Please do not continue to swing the sword of satan's moral relativism. Each of us is 100% a child of God. Not sort of a child of God, who is called to kind of live according to some non-contextual, self-serving portions of His word. Hallelujah Christ Jesus, who, without fail, tells it like it is! Please Holy Father, if it be Your will, help us all to do no less...

Dear Skip, I appreciate your concern. I truly understand your fear of being used by satan. I new paradigm is always scary and sends us scrambling for something safe and familiar. You asked for the truth, in love. The truth is God's love for us made clear in the amazing example of Jesus (John 3:16). If you believe this--and Christians claim to believe this--then to add anything else, about sexuality, or interracial marriage, or other issues that Christians don't even agree on, much less the rest of us, is to water down the gospel. You are adding to the gospel. Jesus told us that our love would look and feel like love (treat them as you want to be treated, when they ask for bread don't give them a stone). Telling people homosexuality is wrong, despite all the lived experience we keep learning about, and the gained understanding we have about context, is not love, and it's not truth. We have a hard time discerning lies until centuries later. Remember that the religious leaders of Jesus' day thought he was spewing lies. If you want to be sure satan is not using you, find out where you can serve, where you can visit prisoners or feed the hungry -- then you will be serving Jesus too. But don't just keep telling people they're in sin, because if you turn out to be wrong (flat earth, burning witches, Bible-supported slavery), then you are sinning terribly. You are hurting people God told you to love. I hope God shows you God's perspective on this. With love. <3

Actually, that's not true. The only verses that specifically calls out homosexuality as a sin or an "abomination" is Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, but that was Old Testament. As we all know, rules from the OT were transformed by Jesus Christ's sacrifice. That's why we can eat meat and dress in clothes of different cloths.

The Bible is clear in 1 Cor. 6:9 that homosexuality is a sin and that they will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. I have a gay daughter and I love her dearly but I will not lie to her. Same sex attraction is a real thing and the only choice if one wants to walk with Christ is to deny ones attraction as a married person would someone outside their marriage. If a person has to remain single forever then so be it but to act on any sex outside marriage straight or gay is wrong and a sin. The Bible doesn't change and no ones opinion can change it. Prayer always helps even for our gay children not to heal them of being gay but for them to live completely, even in their sexual lives, for Christ.

Kay, you say, "Same sex attraction is a real thing and the only choice if one wants to walk with Christ is to deny ones attraction as a married person would someone outside their marriage. If a person has to remain single forever then so be it but to act on any sex outside marriage straight or gay is wrong and a sin. ".
Well then, It's a great thing that in our country, marriage between same sex couples is now legal! :-) That seems to resolve that issue you put forth.

Seriously, though... It does seem to resolve the issue of homosexual "sin" being the sex outside of marriage. It is now legal to marry. Therefore, no longer applicable as a sexual sin.

How do I explain I Cor. 6:9 to my 15 year old son then? Can someone shed some light on this? I have taught my son that sin is sin... that we ALL fall short of the glory of God, but because of the blood of Jesus, through repentence and acceptance of Christ as our Lord, we can have eternal life. He has rejected God and tells me "Your God hates me". I know this isn't true, but he sites verses like this one, and tells me that my God has rejected him, so he can no longer believe. It is heart breaking. My son used to love the Lord, but now as a teenager with these feelings of attraction towards other males, and not towards females he is so full of hate for all of Christianitiy. He's full of tremendous rage and anger... I don't know what to do to help him. I've told him that Christ died for ALL who will accept Him... my son can't except Him because he feels rejected. He says if God is real, would create him to be gay, then call those feelings that are natureal for him to have sinful, then he must be a hateful God. It is hard enough being 15, without having to go through this. He sites old testament verses stating that he should be stoned. So many Christians treat homosexuality as the one unpardonable sin... why is that? The same verse that condems homosexuality also condems idolatry... aren't we ALL guilty of that? What about coveting? Who hasn't coveted what someone else has? Isn't the truth that the unrighteous will not enter the kingdom of God without Jesus? Maybe this verse like so many verses in the Bible has been taken out of it's full context. I look forward to responses... any advice, any light that can be shed on how to explain this to my son.

Explain 1 Corinthians 6:9 by reading 1 Corinthians 6:11.

Every site I read says accept accept accept. It is all about a parent turning a full 360 to what they have ALWAYS believed, to be loving and accepting of what they don't agree with. And that is it, and if these parents don't CHANGE how they think and feel then they are awful parents........ I just can't wrap my brain around that. I mean I am sure majority of parents of gay children, raised them to think the way they do, against being gay. But, when the gay child says they are gay and are shocked the parent is upset, then the parent is awful. Why is this? It isn't something new, the parent never changed....... So, then the parent reads up on it (most I am sure do) to learn how to help their child. Try to figure out how to stay a family and deal with all this. How to keep their selves together much less their child. And, we find out our reactions, if we speak the truth of how we feel about this situation (unless you are really mean and awful about it) makes you the bad guy. There is nothing about parents being suicidal or how parents may be so lost and confused and hurt and scared. All we read is don't talk to your child about your feelings on this because they may kill themselves. So, then the parent is in MORE fear. There is no how to make the parent feel comfortable about this. It's all or nothing. Well, no, I have believed it was wrong WAY before I had my child. Blame it on how I was raised if you would like, but I have siblings that feel differently so that isn't it. I gave my child a gray area to agree on. I have another child that I am raising. I don't need that child being bullied like the gay one or confused like the gay one. Nor do I want to raise the other one thinking it is ok with me because it still isn't just because my child happens to be gay now. But, my child is angry with me. This child wants to yell it from the rooftops. March in parades and wants everyone to know. Well I am not having it. I can be accepting of it and may warm more when I am around it more. But, this is as good as I can do. But, it is a no go for my gay child. Where is the answers to what to do with that? Accept accept. Well they need to accept accept this is me. I don't feel comfortable with it anyway, but I am trying to show my child I STILL love them and am TRYING!! So, please anyone giving advice to parents. Understand asking someone to be all accepting with something that they have NEVER been ok with is like asking a gay person to be straight. Please find another way to help both the parent and the child deal with this!!!!!

Do we know if someone is living a gay lifestyle if they believe in Jesus, can they still go to heaven?

Darla, I am in the situation with my 17 yr old daughter and she didn't tell me . I found out through her phone at 16 yes old and I became I'll and angry. One thing I learned in my walk with Christ is that we CAN NOT change anyone. I couldn't change myself until I sought Him. It didn't start off well with us when I found out and now this shooting in Florida she mentioned it to me because I Dont watch the news much but what she left out is that it was a gay club. When I looked it up I became sad for 2 reasons and you know why. She is talking about going to college in other states and I am wondering is it because she wants to be free to be who she thinks she is in her mind. What I have done is she still goes to church with me and I am honest about sin ad consequences. I us myself as a example all the time so that she can see the beginning and the end rest of sin and the problems that come with sin. I show her sin actions of her siblings and the end result but I do not due is say they are bad people, I say they are lost and trying to find their way BUT I always say the way to get things right is through Christ. We have a really good church home and our Pastor is young and he explains the Word so that it is plain to everyone. Telling the TRUTH and giving examples of the suffering when you do not follow the truth so the young people can relate without being sugar coated. So the battle is now with me now, learning not to think I can change her. I pray for Mercy and Grace as she is just now starting her journey in choas in the mind. The enemy thinks he has won and wants to destroy me by this but MY GOD has the victory. So when the enemy shows its ugly head I smile because no matter what she choose to do with her life, it's her choice. I have shown her the way in Christ. I will love her and she knows I do not except it but I love her not her choices. As Christ does for us, until we choose to change through Him or sin destroys us. Its that simple but its the hardest lesson that I have had to learn since following Him. It still brings tears because they do not know the destruction that is coming their way but maybe it will push them to Him when enough is enough. The people that lost their life today, I Dont have answers but not everyone gets the chance to make it out of their sin before they go to sleep. Unfortunately not everyone wants to change. That's the choice God has given everyone but He doesn't force anyone, so we can not either. I pray for strength for everyone who has a loved one lost in Any sin that is leading them down a dark path.

Our 28yr old son has just told us he is gay! We are shattered and trying as a Christian, caring family to come to grips with this. He is a beautiful, wonderful child, has always been and will always be and yet somehow I yo-yo now between love and admiration and absolute dispair and disbelief. He has handled the situation with his usual dignity and compassion, concerned more for us his family than his own needs which he has kept secret and struggled with for so long keeping everything totally secret for fear of how we would deal with it. I honestly don't know how to go forward in this. Please pray for us all.

Devastated, I was on the beach today and melted into the sand, from my daughter's phone call.

My 28 year old son confirmed today what I have feared for years, that he is gay, not only that, but that he has a boyfriend, he screamed at me how my religion was a lie and that he hated God and that I had ruined his life with my twisted religion. He sobbed uncontrollably and told me he had to live life as himself. I had feared this for year but hoped for the best, given him books, prayed, cried out to the Lord., it was like he was preparing me ahead of time for this moment and I'm O.K just awash in a deep sadness - the thing is he told me nearly all of our family and friends know, just his dad and I didn't know. well of course I go through all my failures as a parent and I am in deep sadness in regard to his turning his back on God. He hugged me and apologized and I know I will go on but it has just drained the life and joy out of me today. However, I will never give up, I will keep on praying that he would taste and see that the Lord is good. People look to me as a leader, a strong Christian, and I cannot help but think how this has taken the wind out of my sails and will make me more approachable and real to others in need, my perfect life, is not so perfect.....this is a terror come true for me, but I trust in my father in heaven, never will he leave me, never will he forsake me.

Amen!

I've been searching for a site like this. There's so much support now offered to those "coming out" and not much for those still holding on to Biblical truths. My son confirmed my worst fear 6/12/16 I had suspected for years but buried my head in the sand about it. He is 25 and was raised to know I believe homosexuality is a sin. I know he didn't come to his conclusion overnight & I know he's actually studied the Bible far more extensively than I have. I've done the best I can do, he's accountable to God for his actions. I can only love the sinner and hate the sin. This is an area we both know we will never change the other on. I've also realized people are too quick to judge...yes it's a sin, God hates ALL sin! It's not for me to pick & chose His level of disgust for it. Jesus bore the weight of ALL sin on the cross. Those who use scripture to instill fear are not showing Christ love & I've seen the enemy use that to his advantage time & time again. Your child knows how you feel...don't ever compromise with sin but hold to the truth you have.

I have a couple of questions. My 12 year old son has confided in me that he thinks he might be gay. I fear for his future because of him being bullied in school possibly all the way to him possibly marrying one day. I as well as my entire extended family are Christians. But I do know that if he were to come out to my husband and my parents that they would flat out disown him. I don't know what to do. I want to support my child but I've always been taught that being gay is a sin. I will always love him no matter what and stand behind him 100%. How do I handle this situation with my husband and family being so against it? Any advice would be appreciated.

My heart aches reading this thread. My child, who I adore, is planning to marry her girlfriend this year. She is so young, not yet 21. As Christians, her mother and I are having a hard time. We can't lose her. We can't agree with her and be happy for her (which I know she wants). I want a manual to show me how far I can go with my love for her and not compromise my beliefs. Its too easy to say, love the sinner, hate the sin. This is real life. Real conversations.
Real expectations of how a parents loves and accepts their child. I won't lie, I want it all. I don't want a hard life for my child. And there I go, talking about what I want. And not giving my child what they want. Total acceptance. I don't believe she has ever felt unloved by us, just not totally accepted with this side of her life.

im gay

So Darla, bla bla bla, I'm sorry, but I take offense to your reply. If I read it wrong and miss understood something, then I apologize. Legal or not, our country law makers aren't Jesus or God!! They didn't write the bible and have no right to say "it's ok"! So does that mean we're just going to re write the bible and change it to suit our new laws and beliefs??
I am a Christian and I'm not perfect, but our country law makers have no right to go above God and say "oh it's ok now, because we say so" and that's supposed to supersede the bible?? I don't think so!!

I am gay.... Been out for 23 years. I was raised in church. I know right from wrong. I believe in God and that Jesus died for my sins. I've known I was gay since the age of 7. Didn't know then what it meant, but the signs were there. So are we saying that Satan took over me at age 7? Even as a church going child and into my adulthood Satan posessed me? I think not. I am who I am because God molded me in his image.... As a kind, loving, accepting person of ALL . Has nothing to do with gay....

Hmmmm. Romans 1:26-28; 1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Timothy 1:8-11 just to name a few? By the way, Jesus never abolished the moral laws of the Old Testament.

You're living my life..... Want to be email pals?

I've held the belief that my God makes no mistakes. I can say that he wanted me to be gay, for whatever reason, and he wants us to have the same romantic and sexual pleasures as his heterosexual children. I think many people forget that the bible was written by people, not God, and they may have had ulterior motives for writing certain passages. Jesus never said jack squat about homosexuals. He COULDN'T HAVE, because the word didn't exist at the time! Back then, human physiology was grossly misunderstood, and they assumed that men were inherently hard wired to be attracted to women, and therefore, assumed that men who felt romantic and sexual attraction to other men were choosing to destroy God's word.
So. There we have it then, don't we? The original Bible never mentioned homosexuality. And as for those OT lines that condemn "Man lying with man as a man lies with woman," that was when they assumed it was a choice. Even if it were a choice (FOR THOSE WHO SAY IT IS, IT ISN'T. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE. YOU KNOW NOTHING,) Jesus changed every law so that they technically weren't sins, anymore. That's why it's okay to wear clothes of mixed materials, eat shellfish, et cetera.
And for those who argue that it's fine, as long as men don't have sex with each other, that isn't really true. For most marriages, a healthy one constitutes a passionate, sexual side as well as a platonic, mental-love side. God wants everyone to enjoy those pleasures; he didn't design sex just for reproduction. He designed sex to be a way for any two committed, devoted people to lock themselves in a firm, intimate physical bond, giving all of their bodies to each other. If my straight married neighbors can do it, then so can me and my husband (I'm a gay man, by the way.)
I'm with Brian Radcliffe. We spread love, justice, and wisdom. Hopefully, I've taught some people here something new.

Thank you for the article and the comments. my 14 yo came out to his mom and me yesterday, we had suspected this for as long as I can remember, I've been crying a lot for the past 16 hours, not because I'm disappointed but because I'm fearful of the challenges the world is going to throw at him, life is hard enough as it is and God just tossed a big curveball, Last night he sat his mom and I down in the living room and said "I'm afraid you are going to hate me because of this, because at the youth group they say it's an abomination", his lips were turning blue, and he was trembling. I sat him on my lap and hugged him and told him "we love you so much it hurts and we will always love you". It's going to be hard, but we have faith that everything will be OK
Please keep my family in your prayers, we really need this
tks
Sam

You are so right, Skip! Thank you for your courage and love to speak in truth, even when others don't want to see it. God bless you.

If it is a sin, then why did God create those born with both sex organs? How does the human know what sex God intended? What if the parent chose the wrong sex for their child to grow up as?

Look at children who display themselves at a very young age..as the opposite of what they were born? They weren't taught that.

I have to believe God is a loving God. That he wouldn't impose such a burden on one of his children...that they are forever sinners.

Kay, I agree. God gives us all our crosses to bare and watches what we do with them. My teenage son believes he is gay. I do not support that. I see it as his cross to bare. The Bible says to deny yourself and follow Jesus. That's what I believe my son should do--deny same-sex attraction and not act on it. Instead he should choose to act either as a heterosexual does or as an asexual does (no interest in relationships at all).

When you find this answer, let me know. I'm in a rough place with my sonvnrye

Sue, I have a Son that is gay. When I found out I cried and dropped to my knees and started praying. I reached out everywhere I could think of for prayers. The Lord never told me to stop loving him, the Lord told me to love him more. I never felt shame, I only felt fear. I LOVE The LORD with all my heart and I trust that he has a plan for my son. I don't go around telling people they are sinning. I show them the way to the Lord by loving them and leading them with a gentle hand. God has removed my judgemental heart through all of this. I continual hear how homosexuality is the worst sin.... I had two abortions( murder), I've gossiped( destroyed lives) had lustful thoughts, negative thoughts about people etc.. We are all sinners, plain and simple. It's very important that we share JESUS through our lives and testimonies. My heart breaks for the Mothers and Fathers that disown their children for being gay or messed up...GOD will never quit loving your son and HE will never quit pursuing him. Love your son as JESUS loves him. ... Unconditionally!
Love

I am heartbroken reading many of these messages. I have a 12 year old daughter that is told me she is gay and that she no longer believes in God. I was more heartbroken about the fact she didn't believe in God. How can all of you Christian people promote such hate. This is why she feels this way. It makes me shameful of my religion and beliefs. I told her God is love and anyone who tells you differently is not Christian. She asked me how you can murder someone and have forgiveness granted... but the same isn't offered for loving someone of the same sex. I love my daughter, and this is a struggle for me... I would rather have her honest and love herself then many of the other roads these young teens go down because they feel rejected and hated by GOD! Think about that... it's shameful... I felt so much hope reading the article and feel worse than I started with many of these responses... makes me question the faith I have raised my children with. I told her she needs god... not matter her sexuality because he will always lift her in light and be with her... I think many of you are brave in writing behind a computer... but if you look into the hearts of these young children.. gods children... you might be the abomination.

As a strong christian for 22 years nothing has made me struggle more than this topic. Being a data driven person I believe most people who are LG are born that way its not a choice.

It sits horribly wrong with me that two adults who choose to spend time together, are attracted to each other, and choose to spend there life together cannot be accepted by the church as a whole. That any committed relationship is considered wrong!!

Heterosexual relationships are about so much more than sex just like homosexual relationships are about so much more than sex, how is that wrong?

Its easier for me to believe being swallowed by a whale, fasting 40 days, etc than to believe 21st century LG relationships are wrong.

There are denominations that have split right down the center on this issue and they physically split.

I work with LG people who long for God or are good people and just dont know how their life fits with doctrine.

I dont have a answer, but I dont believe the answer is damnation and if it is well that makes just about ZERO sense.

You misspellings are judged. Be a good testimony before you express judgement.

"It is tragic to forfeit a child's earthly peace by making your familial love conditional upon their sexual orientation or identity, just so you can try to coerce them into your interpretation of heaven."

http://www.chicagonow.com/sex-positive-parent/2016/10/so-you-think-gay-p...

My 18 year old left us a note last spring break that she was "bi" & in love with a girl...while my husband was out of the country. She did come home & it has been a rough journey, but long story short, we have overcome a lot & still have a pretty good relationship with her. We have been clear about our position AND our love for her. She is now a freshman in college & we still have a lot to overcome, but I highly recommend the book "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach. I would also give you this bit of advice that was given to us...remember that some influence is better than none. You can give grace without compromisinge truth. You can disagree & remain in relationship. Be careful with your restrictions because they will be welcomed with open arms by the LGBT family. As Christians, we must love them the MOST. Also, give yourself lots of time to process & pray for wisdom constantly! Hugs to you, friends. Find some good people you can confide in who can walk this with you! https://youtu.be/ePGCOe_wM-g

Frozen. Numb. Help. Less than an hour ago, this bomb was dropped on me by my 21 year old son. Paralyzingly. I know the TRUTH. He was raised in church his WHOLE LIFE. He is a believer, whole-heartedly. Someone help me. I'm TERRIFIED he won't make it to God's Kingdom now. I WILL NOT just hand him over to Satan's schemes. God LOVES this man! And so do I! I will NOT compromise God's word just to soothe sin. Luke warm. Half in the world, half with God. I know I've hurt him by crying when he told me. But I cannot pretend everything is alright. It's NOT. Please, someone, please.

Frozen. Numb. Help. Less than an hour ago, this bomb was dropped on me by my 21 year old son. Paralyzingly. I know the TRUTH. He was raised in church his WHOLE LIFE. He is a believer, whole-heartedly. Someone help me. I'm TERRIFIED he won't make it to God's Kingdom now. I WILL NOT just hand him over to Satan's schemes. God LOVES this man! And so do I! I will NOT compromise God's word just to soothe sin. Luke warm. Half in the world, half with God. I know I've hurt him by crying when he told me. But I cannot pretend everything is alright. It's NOT. Please, someone, please.

I'm so glad I found this page - I'd love to connect with other parents. My son came out when he was 14 (2 years ago). I'd known it was coming for many years. My view on the matter is that God doesn't make mistakes. My son didn't choose this lifestyle. It's not his "fault." I love him unconditionally AND I'm a Christian. Yes, it's hard sometimes to explain by I always use my go to: John 3:16...there are no exceptions to this!!

Good advice.

same

Xx

I recently found out that my child was in a homosexual relationship. It has been broken off and my wife and I have been going through the myriad of emotions from hearing this news. First and foremost, I do agree with you that i need to love my child through this confusing time. I also know that God ultimately is the great healer and I have to put my trust in Him to right this ship. What troubles me in the later part of your response is this.....that you do not stand on the Word of God. His Word is either true or it isn't. Lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, fornication, etc.... including homosexuality is Sin...... period. We have the grace and love of Jesus Christ to cover our sins, but that does not give us the right to keep on sinning. Please see and read Romans chapter 6, where the Apostle Paul addresses the issue of continuing to live in sin. Grace does not give us the right to continue to live the way we want. Jesus said..... pick up your cross and come and follow me..... What was Jesus saying...... The cross represents death..... a death Jesus paid for all of our sins. What it also says to us is that we need to die to ourselves. Our desires and our wishes, which are not of God, and we are to follow Him. And please see the words of Hebrews 10: 20 - 30 as the writer (Assumed to be the Apostle Paul) spoke about the continuation of sinning once the truth is known. I appreciate your heart to love those who are in the homosexual lifestyle and we must do this, but it is also our responsibility as messengers of the Gospel to deliver all the truth. I will use the analogy of a friend who is taking a walk in the mountains and is heading towards a cliff that will end their life. I know this mountain path myself and know where it leads and I decide to say nothing of the impending danger. Out of love for them and their eternal life, not this temporal life, I have to speak the truth in love to them. Will it be easy for me or them..... probably not. But, I have a responsibility to bring forth the truth and then allow God to do bring about healing and transformation. Lastly, there is a story in the gospel of John that shares with us about the woman who got caught by the religious leaders committing adultery. They brought her to Jesus and asked him what he would do with her. The law of Moses said that she should be stoned to death. However, Jesus took some time and wrote on the ground and then replied to all who were there ready to condemn her. He said to them.... he who has not sinned cast the first stone. They all dropped their stones and walked away. Now I could stop right there and explain that it is not our place to judge because we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. However, the rest of the story goes on to say.... when they had all left Jesus and the woman, Jesus spoke to her and said where have they all gone, is there nobody left to condemn you. She said, no they have left. Jesus then said to her.... neither do I condemn you... go and sin no more. Jesus did not come to condemn her, but to save her from herself. He didn't condemn her but he didn't condone her behavior and that is why he told her to go and sin no more. She needed to repent (to turn away) from what she had been doing and live by the truth. My suggestion for you is to stop deceiving people that homosexuality is not a sin. It is sin just like the many things that God calls sin. God doesn't hate the sinner.... he hates the sin because it separates us from him and his best for us in this life. Jesus paid the price for our sins(including mine) but that does not give us a license to continue in those sins because of grace.

I'm sorry! I know you're religious but you're all insane and need serious psychological help. If you can't love your Children, want to change them and/or you will disown them, you need to contact social services and have them safely removed from your care. I'm not trying to be rude but you will damage and destroy your children's mind if you carry on like this. You're behavior is not fair and you shouldn't inflict it on your child.

Hey Sue. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I can sense the hurt, confusion and frustration. Both you and your son are in my prayers. Please know that your brothers and sisters are all facing trials to. God bless you and your son.

Being an older Christian who was raised in a very strict Christian home I carry through life some biases which I have had to deal with in regards to life and its sins. When our adult son came out to my wife and I that he is bi, our world shattered. "Our world shattered." I am sure his has been shattered for quite some time. I am struggling with this personally and vocationally, because I am a conservative pastor. I have prayed and wrestled with the purity of Scripture and my understanding of man's relationship with God. Do I believe that homosexuality is a sin? Yes. But I also believe that divorce is a sin, and lying is a sin, and cheating is a sin, and pornography is a sin and these (and many more) keep us from a rightful relationship with God. It is only, ONLY, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that corrects my relationship with my Creator (John 14:6) and that is ONLY by grace (God's grace towards me). Is my son still my son, yes (and he always will be), but our relationship is strained; just like our relationship with our Heavenly Father is strained (not removed) when sin enters our lives. So, what do I do now? I don't have all the answers, but I do know that I will keep standing on the truth of Scripture that all sin is wrong and knowing that I will try to be a channel of God's grace to my son and to anyone else who sins. (Romans 8:38-39)

For you parents struggling with this, my prayers go out to you. I pray God gives you strength, knowledge and endless amounts of love. For people believing that this is how God made you. My heart goes out to you. My God open your eyes. Satan has corrupted this world for so long things seem to be Gods fault and not his. My 18 year old daughter came out to me two days ago, trembling and crying in fear. What courage that took knowing my love for God and what His word says about it. All I could do was hold her, and tell her I love her very much. She knows how I feel. She knows I will not accept it. She knows I will never stop praying and talking about God and his love and grace. No words were spoken after I told her my love for her. She knew. I knew
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Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

i am a girl who, (btw), has a fiance (almost 19) who's parents don't like the whole homosexual idea at all. it's more of her female side rather than like her dad and such, but it hurts me because when i came out i was ridiculed and humiliated as well by my own family. they grew out of it to the extent of just not talking about the topic around me. i grew out of it but reading all of this made me soooo upset because of what her parents made her go through and make her live everyday, from how she dresses (being a stud) to who she hangs out with. i hate it but i can't say i dislike them because i have yet to actually meet the group myself as well as them giving me such a beautiful fiance. i just need advice on how i can help her getting her parents (primarily her mother) to at least discussing the topic with her without totally bugging out.

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