To Christian Parents of Gay Children

“You want to shove those words back in and put the lid on. But you can’t. Your child is gay. This goes against everything you’ve been taught. It was not what you had in mind, and you instantly wonder where you went wrong.”

When you become a parent, you know to expect the unexpected. But for many Christian parents, nothing can prepare them to hear that their beloved child is gay. This is the child you have cradled, spoon fed mashed bananas, and dreamed a beautiful future for. How could this be? What will the church say? What will your friends say? What does the future hold? You can’t even get your head around this.

If you are a Christian parent, family member or friend to whom your loved one has come out as gay or lesbian, then this is for you.

I invite you to sit down, relax, maybe get a cup of tea, and soak in what I’m about to tell you. My hope is to guide you as we walk for a bit through this maze of confusion, to help you find your way to wholeness. In many Christian circles, this is not good news, and you may begin to spiral into reflection and self-searching. We’ll get to that. But at the bottom of it all, this is not about you. Most parents’ first mistake is to make it about them instead of about their son or daughter. So let’s talk about some of the major stumbling blocks for Christian parents.

1. This is not an offense against you.

This is not something your child did to you. They did not “choose gayness” to rebel against you, get back at you or make your life miserable. In fact, it really has nothing do with you. You did not cause this; it’s not a failure on your part. As a younger Christian, taught that homosexuality is a sin, I believed that trauma somewhere in someone’s past caused homosexuality, even if they didn’t remember it. To my surprise, God completely shifted my understanding and revealed to me the many people who had a great childhood are still gay. He also reminded me of the many straight people who had traumatic childhoods, yet remained straight. Your expectations may lay shattered at your feet. But those are your expectations for your child. Quite simply, they may not be God’s expectations. Ask God to replace your vision for your child with His.

2. This orientation is not news to your child. 

They likely did not tell you the first time they noticed their same-sex attraction. In fact, they have probably lived with this quite a long time. They had to discover how true it was. They had to watch other young teens grow into puberty, and realize they weren’t developing the same feelings. Perhaps they dated the opposite gender to see if passion might develop, and yet none did. By the time they come out to you, they are pretty sure of what they’re saying. You may have to work through a slate of brand new emotions about this, and your emotions will affect them, but theirs are not brand new. Do not ask them if they are sure, if maybe they want to take a little time and see what happens. Instead, consider the journey they have been through. Ask them things like, “When did you know?” “How long have you felt this way?” and tell them how you are grateful that they are including you, that they don’t have to go through this alone anymore.

3. Now is a key time to embrace your child.

Imagine for a moment the courage it took to tell you about their sexuality, especially when they know it seems to contradict your core beliefs. In this moment, your child needs to know he/she/they did the right thing by telling you. You may flood with fear, doubt, anger, grief, disappointment, shame, anguish or guilt, but do not let those hinder you from expressing your unconditional love and admiration for your child. Your child will have their own list of emotions to deal with; don’t hand them yours. Give yourself time to process all of your own emotions. Be kind to yourself and your child through this.

4. They were terrified to tell you. 

The risk they took is very real. Some gay teens have been shamed, banished, threatened, beaten, and shunned. They know that once it is said, it cannot be unsaid. They took this chance either because they trusted you and hoped for the best, or because they could not stand to live inauthentically any longer. You have a strong child. Be proud. You have the opportunity to make the most of their trust and come through for them with the unconditional love of a parent. That’s your job as a parent and a Christian — to love unconditionally.

5. Praying, wishing and believing will not make your child straight. 

If doing these things meant that homosexuality would not visit a Christian home, then we wouldn’t see it cropping up so often. I have heard countless stories of people who prayed without ceasing, but nothing changed. Picture with me the false faith-healers who pray to heal audience members’ maladies; when there is no result, those charlatans tell the poor kid in the wheelchair, “Maybe next time you’ll have enough faith to be healed.” Where does that place the blame? If anyone has ever been healed in that setting, it is God’s choice, not the one in the wheelchair. Has anyone prayed themselves straight? I don’t know. Meanwhile, countless stories of those who prayed, did everything right, followed every suggestion, and poured themselves wholeheartedly into being straight–only to experience disappointment and self-loathing. Your child does not deserve this.

6. For teens, there are still many changes to come. 

Don’t panic! Let them discover themselves. What did you know at 18 that you feel the same about today? Come to think of it, sexual orientation is probably one of the few things you were sure about. Do not require a certain life path for your son or daughter at this time when the world is their oyster. Haven’t we yet learned how crippling it is to have to please someone else? Do not tell them that it is a phase that will wear off. Acknowledge how far they have come, that they have an exciting future, and that you will be with them every step of the way. If they discover that their orientation may not be what they thought, then they alone will discover that. Telling them you are praying that they change, or that they will likely “straighten out” as they get older, will only distance them from you. Worst of all, do not send them to “reorientation” camp. This traumatizes countless teens, cementing deep shame and self-hatred.

7. Adult children are out of your hands. 

Even more than teens, adult children are beyond your parental authority. You have done your best as a parent, however flawed you were. (We all were!) You must trust God with this child you have raised. Embrace them and love them as a fellow believer–Jesus asks that of you. Do not shun them or take other action, which will only alienate you from their lives. Instead, look forward to the many major life events ahead, and be there for them as you wanted your parents to be there for you.

8. Put other peoples’ responses aside. 

The opinion of your pastor, your Bible group, or your extended family are not as important as your son or daughter’s well-being. Put others’ opinions aside and focus on how God would lead you specifically. If you can’t say in your heart that your child is more important than others’ opinions, then seek the Lord about this and ask Him to restore your priorities.

9. Bear your son’s or daughter’s burdens.

Let the weight of unanswered questions and discomfort rest on you. You are not the one being pressured to change your identity. Your child has the whole rest of the world to navigate; you are uniquely equipped to help bear their burden and so fulfill the law of Christ, as Galatians 6:2 tells us. Your relationship with your child calls for that much. Don’t press for answers or easy solutions. As with other big events in life, get comfortable with not knowing, and patiently let God reveal answers in His timing.

10. Finally, remember that we are not responsible to change people’s behavior. 

Not our job, even with our children, especially as they get older. If you think you’re going to make your pianist into a football player, give it up now. Jesus is not about behavior modification; He is about life, His life flowing through us. That is what grace (kharis) means — to let Jesus’ love flow through us instead of feeling obligated to fix everything. Your job is to love people, especially your child. Let God use this situation to show you what it means to love unconditionally. While we love others, God is at work in ways we can’t see.

I discuss Bible passages in depth in many posts on this blog. I encourage you to read more posts here, and look at my resources page, if you like. But please understand that even if we disagree, nothing changes regarding our responsibility, our blessing as a Mom or a Dad to unconditionally love, accept and affirm our gay children – as God has done with us.

This road is likely not one you would have chosen, nor initially welcomed. But if you seek it, God will show you the beauty of the journey.

Perhaps God has chosen you for such a time as this, to shine love amidst all the anger and hate (even if your beliefs about it never change).

Perhaps God will work through you to restore the love of Jesus that has been so maligned to a group of people who need God — as we all do. God is good at giving us quandaries we didn’t expect, to rock our little tiny worldviews. God shakes everything that can be shaken until all that’s left is what is unshakeable. Cling to God in this time, and you will discover something wonderful — for you and your family.

Click HERE to learn more about the book this article developed into!

Originally published by Patheos; Photo via flickr user Steve Koukoulas

 

Comments (116)

Oh yes, this was me. My daughter dropped a couple of hints to start me trying to wrap my head around the idea. My daughter with two children. My daughter who has men falling all over themselves to do anything for her...It got me studying the subject and I've done a complete about face on the subject.

We've been here. We have tried to hide from the problem, then thought it was all our fault, then slowly realised that we needed to love our child. Our faith has needed some hard re-consideration: from fundamentalists to activists now as straight allies. We're proud of our child and want to be there for them every step of the way, and the problems we may have with this are nothing compared to the difficulties they have or will face: but we will be there.

This is good advice. I am actually "gay" myself so this is not the problem I faced with my teenagers but they did manage to throw some unexpected challenges my way and the idea that I need to trust their walk with God and not try to manipulate them to my vision is good advice for any parent. And comforting. Sometimes unconditional love looks like taking a step back and not clinging (you didn;t say that but what you did say transfers). Thank you for sharing God's good news to parents of gay children, to parents in general.

Eating shrimp is also a sin. And if you cut your hair, you're to be put to death. If your brother has a wife, dies, then you have to take his wife as another wife and procreate. How do you decide what to follow and not follow?

Homosexuality is a sin. God calls same sex relations an abomination unto him. There's no mincing of words. Love tor child, but also lead them to the knowledge that loving a sindul lifestyle is not acceptable to God.

Actually, that's not true. The only verses that specifically calls out homosexuality as a sin or an "abomination" is Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, but that was Old Testament. As we all know, rules from the OT were transformed by Jesus Christ's sacrifice. That's why we can eat meat and dress in clothes of different cloths.

Hmmmm. Romans 1:26-28; 1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Timothy 1:8-11 just to name a few? By the way, Jesus never abolished the moral laws of the Old Testament.

Your statement is wrong.
In the New Testament Romans 1:26-27 also speaks of Homosexuality.

You misspellings are judged. Be a good testimony before you express judgement.

Hate is also a sin. Love thy neighbor as thyself. In fact, there is no specific admonishment of homosexual people. He simply says that man shall not lie with another man as he lies with a woman, which is to say to make another man submissive. There are admonishments to homosexual activity, but if that's the case you should never hug another man/woman again, nor should you ever say you love Jesus if you are a man, nor have sex in the same manner that a homosexual may. I pray that the Lord shows you how to love thy neighbor.

That is right thats what wrong in the world today was just except everything even if it goes against what Jesus was teaching we need to turn back to the bible and pray for God to help them

There are many religions so some book that says some god thinks whatever is just one idea. You don't have the right or knowledge to say what is a sin, and writing something like that is mean and hateful - the opposite of being like Christ. You are wrong.

When one loves their child, Christian or not, they need to speak truth to them. In love? Most certainly. One must need to speak to their sexually confused child all the truth, with all the love. Not some of the truth with all the love. Further... speaking all the truth with only some of the love, or, God forbid, all the truth with none of the love, could be disastrous in more ways than can be imagined. Is a watered down Gospel the truth? Far from it, and this site is, sadly, filled with watery gray matter that is nothing more than a moral relativism. Compassionate, well-meaning contributors, who are attempting to comfort those who may choose to live in the darkness, instead of doing what can be done to bring them into the light. As a parent, this is one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. Still, as I continue to mature as a Christian, I've learned the ever deepening truth about how genuinely living as a Christian, in this world, will not be easy. At The Same Time... I continue to, daily, experience God's amazing grace, mercy, and blessings. All of which are a sure and steady anchor for my soul. On the mountain tops, and in the valleys. Those without ears to hear the truth so often want to judge, condemn, and even shout down those who stand upon the truth. The truth that the full gospel, is the full truth. To claim or proclaim that genuine truth is anything less than that is simply to spew one of satan's most powerful deceits upon all those within spewing distance. Moral relativism. A bandage of temporary comfort for a broken or potentially broken brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. Brothers and sisters who desperately need to hear and to know All Of The Truth, With ALL THE LOVE. With all the love that Christ Jesus showed us, as he died, for us, on the cross. Did he almost die? Did he sort of rise? Are we taught, anywhere in the Bible, that it's ok for us to be almost a Christian? That it's ok for us to sort of pick and choose different little bits of scripture, while ignoring the other bits that don't comfortably fit with our "personal" Christian beliefs? I will not apologize for pointing out that this is exactly what the contributors to this site are doing. No matter how sensitively they spin it, no matter how caring and compassionate their portrayal, that is what they’re doing. I mean no offense in asking the following questions, and I must ask them. Do the contributors to this website genuinely believe that they are giving people real hope? Maybe. Are they being used by satan. Yes. We need all remember, as repeatedly proclaimed in the Psalms, and demonstrated in many other places in God’s word, that Our Hope Is In The Lord! We are all created in God's own image. Satan doesn't like that. Our God Saves. Please do not continue to swing the sword of satan's moral relativism. Each of us is 100% a child of God. Not sort of a child of God, who is called to kind of live according to some non-contextual, self-serving portions of His word. Hallelujah Christ Jesus, who, without fail, tells it like it is! Please Holy Father, if it be Your will, help us all to do no less...

Amen!

You are so right, Skip! Thank you for your courage and love to speak in truth, even when others don't want to see it. God bless you.

This is so powerful and so true!! THANK YOU for saying this... no offense about the writer of this article, but after I read it, I thought 'wait a second' why is no one talking about the elephant in the room?? We cannot yield as Christians. As a Mom with a gay daughter, I have unconditionally loved her, been there for her, and so much more. However, from day one, I let her know that I did not approve and never could. BUT I could still have a relationship with her and that I needed her to understand and love me and accept my faith and values, EVEN if she did not agree.

I so appreciate Skips article. Kelly,  I also have a gay daughter and a gay son. I've always struggled with this. I wholeheartedly agree with you. Of course we love our children but how can we pretend that homosexuality is ok? Where do you draw the line? Are we supposed to go to gay functions with our kids to show our support for them? What about gay weddings? Theirs! I don't believe in homosexuality but I do believe in my son. My daughter is another story. She gave birth to my only grandchild. I watched him from the time he was 6 weeks old. 8am-6pm Mon. thru Fri. Until he was 6 yrs. old. At least two weekends a month. My grandson loved it here. He never wanted to go home. Her partner was extremely jealous and threatened to leave my daughter unless she took him away from us. She did just that. We tried everything to get to see him or just hear his little voice including going to court for visitation. We hired attorneys and borrowed against our pensions to no avail. Pure evil separated us. That was four years ago. No visits or phone calls since. Our hearts will be forever broken. She is 44 and takes great pleasure in mentoring young girls who think the gay lifestyle might be for them. I would think Jesus would turn them over to a reprobate mind. Always wondering what went wrong. Do you know of any Christian support groups. Real Christian groups.

No offense, but legally you cannot take a child that is not yours, unless proven that BOTH parents are unfit mothers. Basically its not your decision as you are not a legal Guardian.

E she didn't want to "take away" her grandson. She wanted to see him and have a relationship.  

Linda, perhaps we could be a support group of two.  As a grandparent of five, I know how you must be feeling.  I have four grown kids and the one who idenitifies as gay is not a parent at this point, but she does talk about becoming one at some point, I have much tp say and learn on this issue.

Thanks ❤

I just read the post that said what my heart has been saying to me. That is the bible is 100% truth and it does clearly I more than a few places say that homosexuality is a sin. It is not a worse sin than any other, it's just sin in Gods eyes. I love my son with all my heart, but told me over a year ago that he's gay. He has had a few partners - one that he's planning to live with in a month. I told him I love him but that I can't accept his lifestyle and that it is sin. He's angry with me and wants to shut me out of his life. It kills me because we have always been close. I decided not reinerate my beliefs anymore, but just love him unconditionally and pray daily that his eye would be opened. He's an adult. It's all I can do.
CSS2R

Skip, I need to talk to you. Please email me at nursejones12@gmail.com.

I believe you are the one who is confused.

Yes! God does want us to embrace the whole gospel. Here's some other things God calls us to do:

No pigs: Leviticus 11:4 “Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.”

No shellfish: Leviticus 11:10 “And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.”

Don't mix seeds: Leviticus 19:19 “Thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed.”

No mixed breed pets: Leviticus 19:19 “Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind.”

No genital injuries: Deuteronomy 23:1 "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord."

No fancy clothes for women: Timothy 2:9 "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

No kicking people in the balls: Deuteronomy 25:11-25:12 "If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

Don't go to church if you have a disability: Leviticus 21:17 “Say to Aaron: ‘For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. 18 No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; nor his nose or eyes be flat."

If a woman is raped, she must marry her rapist: Deuteronomy 22:28-29 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

Paul deals with observance of the Torah (Old Testament Law) by people not Jews by birth in Galatians and Acts Chapter 15. Paul says that even us Jews were not able to keep the Torah, so why impose it on non-Jews.

"Now, therefore, why are you putting God to the test by placing a yoke on the neck of the disciples that neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear? 11 But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will.”(Acts 15-10,11)

Thus Jewish people who were born into observing the Torah and non Jews not born into it are both saved the same way, by faith in Christ.  Following salvation comes sanctification, whereby God weans us away from the works of the flesh as described in Galatians 5. 21 witchraft, hatred , divisions and sexual sin etc.   

Homosexuality is just one more of the works of the flesh and has to be put to death along with the other works of the flesh. Some people are more drawn to that sin than others. Some people may be tempted more than others by adultery while others may get a kick out of stirring up strife. They are all symptons of the same disease, that is sin. However it is not our job to judge, just point the way to the truth in love. I have to love her, but in love say to my confused teenage daughter that love does not mean agreeing with or condoning everything she thinks or does.

Regrettably she ha conventional wisdom on her side, but I think the right thing to do is to obey Christ, rather than conventional wisdom and that may cause us to be unpopulaar parents, but our love will still vastly exceed the love of those who simply cave in to conventional wisdom.

Dear Skip, I appreciate your concern. I truly understand your fear of being used by satan. I new paradigm is always scary and sends us scrambling for something safe and familiar. You asked for the truth, in love. The truth is God's love for us made clear in the amazing example of Jesus (John 3:16). If you believe this--and Christians claim to believe this--then to add anything else, about sexuality, or interracial marriage, or other issues that Christians don't even agree on, much less the rest of us, is to water down the gospel. You are adding to the gospel. Jesus told us that our love would look and feel like love (treat them as you want to be treated, when they ask for bread don't give them a stone). Telling people homosexuality is wrong, despite all the lived experience we keep learning about, and the gained understanding we have about context, is not love, and it's not truth. We have a hard time discerning lies until centuries later. Remember that the religious leaders of Jesus' day thought he was spewing lies. If you want to be sure satan is not using you, find out where you can serve, where you can visit prisoners or feed the hungry -- then you will be serving Jesus too. But don't just keep telling people they're in sin, because if you turn out to be wrong (flat earth, burning witches, Bible-supported slavery), then you are sinning terribly. You are hurting people God told you to love. I hope God shows you God's perspective on this. With love. <3

I recently found out that my child was in a homosexual relationship. It has been broken off and my wife and I have been going through the myriad of emotions from hearing this news. First and foremost, I do agree with you that i need to love my child through this confusing time. I also know that God ultimately is the great healer and I have to put my trust in Him to right this ship. What troubles me in the later part of your response is this.....that you do not stand on the Word of God. His Word is either true or it isn't. Lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, fornication, etc.... including homosexuality is Sin...... period. We have the grace and love of Jesus Christ to cover our sins, but that does not give us the right to keep on sinning. Please see and read Romans chapter 6, where the Apostle Paul addresses the issue of continuing to live in sin. Grace does not give us the right to continue to live the way we want. Jesus said..... pick up your cross and come and follow me..... What was Jesus saying...... The cross represents death..... a death Jesus paid for all of our sins. What it also says to us is that we need to die to ourselves. Our desires and our wishes, which are not of God, and we are to follow Him. And please see the words of Hebrews 10: 20 - 30 as the writer (Assumed to be the Apostle Paul) spoke about the continuation of sinning once the truth is known. I appreciate your heart to love those who are in the homosexual lifestyle and we must do this, but it is also our responsibility as messengers of the Gospel to deliver all the truth. I will use the analogy of a friend who is taking a walk in the mountains and is heading towards a cliff that will end their life. I know this mountain path myself and know where it leads and I decide to say nothing of the impending danger. Out of love for them and their eternal life, not this temporal life, I have to speak the truth in love to them. Will it be easy for me or them..... probably not. But, I have a responsibility to bring forth the truth and then allow God to do bring about healing and transformation. Lastly, there is a story in the gospel of John that shares with us about the woman who got caught by the religious leaders committing adultery. They brought her to Jesus and asked him what he would do with her. The law of Moses said that she should be stoned to death. However, Jesus took some time and wrote on the ground and then replied to all who were there ready to condemn her. He said to them.... he who has not sinned cast the first stone. They all dropped their stones and walked away. Now I could stop right there and explain that it is not our place to judge because we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. However, the rest of the story goes on to say.... when they had all left Jesus and the woman, Jesus spoke to her and said where have they all gone, is there nobody left to condemn you. She said, no they have left. Jesus then said to her.... neither do I condemn you... go and sin no more. Jesus did not come to condemn her, but to save her from herself. He didn't condemn her but he didn't condone her behavior and that is why he told her to go and sin no more. She needed to repent (to turn away) from what she had been doing and live by the truth. My suggestion for you is to stop deceiving people that homosexuality is not a sin. It is sin just like the many things that God calls sin. God doesn't hate the sinner.... he hates the sin because it separates us from him and his best for us in this life. Jesus paid the price for our sins(including mine) but that does not give us a license to continue in those sins because of grace.

Well said! ❤️

The Bible is clear in 1 Cor. 6:9 that homosexuality is a sin and that they will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. I have a gay daughter and I love her dearly but I will not lie to her. Same sex attraction is a real thing and the only choice if one wants to walk with Christ is to deny ones attraction as a married person would someone outside their marriage. If a person has to remain single forever then so be it but to act on any sex outside marriage straight or gay is wrong and a sin. The Bible doesn't change and no ones opinion can change it. Prayer always helps even for our gay children not to heal them of being gay but for them to live completely, even in their sexual lives, for Christ.

Kay, you say, "Same sex attraction is a real thing and the only choice if one wants to walk with Christ is to deny ones attraction as a married person would someone outside their marriage. If a person has to remain single forever then so be it but to act on any sex outside marriage straight or gay is wrong and a sin. ".
Well then, It's a great thing that in our country, marriage between same sex couples is now legal! :-) That seems to resolve that issue you put forth.

Seriously, though... It does seem to resolve the issue of homosexual "sin" being the sex outside of marriage. It is now legal to marry. Therefore, no longer applicable as a sexual sin.

So Darla, bla bla bla, I'm sorry, but I take offense to your reply. If I read it wrong and miss understood something, then I apologize. Legal or not, our country law makers aren't Jesus or God!! They didn't write the bible and have no right to say "it's ok"! So does that mean we're just going to re write the bible and change it to suit our new laws and beliefs??
I am a Christian and I'm not perfect, but our country law makers have no right to go above God and say "oh it's ok now, because we say so" and that's supposed to supersede the bible?? I don't think so!!

Hey John, ol' buddy ol' pal, 

    Our country law makers aren't necessarily Christian.. You know that, right?

Our country has an incredible freedom so you can practice whatever religion you want. We are not an oligarchy. No matter your Christian beliefs, gay marriage is legal.

 Christian beliefs do not run the country.

It is not wrong for our law makers to make or our people to vote to legalize gay marriage. Not everyone is a die-hard Christian. We. Are not. An oligarchy.

Please get your facts straight.

Darla, God instituted marriage, between one man and one woman. He called all sexual relations/activities outside of this one man/one woman relationship is forbidden, and thus a sin. Just because has decided to redefine marriage and sexual activityx does not mean that God no longer considers such to be sinful. To think otherwise is to deceive oneself.

Actually, the sin is not marriage. The bible makes it clear that sex between people of the same sex is the abomination (sin). My heart is so heavy for people who are gay or who struggle with same sex attraction. I can't even began to imagine what they are going through. It, I feel is the most brutal of Satan attacks upon an individual. Please pray on their behalf rebuking Satan and his attacks upon them. I am having such a difficult time attempting to wrap my head around why God allow children minds to be attacked in this way.

Kay, I agree. God gives us all our crosses to bare and watches what we do with them. My teenage son believes he is gay. I do not support that. I see it as his cross to bare. The Bible says to deny yourself and follow Jesus. That's what I believe my son should do--deny same-sex attraction and not act on it. Instead he should choose to act either as a heterosexual does or as an asexual does (no interest in relationships at all).

How do I explain I Cor. 6:9 to my 15 year old son then? Can someone shed some light on this? I have taught my son that sin is sin... that we ALL fall short of the glory of God, but because of the blood of Jesus, through repentence and acceptance of Christ as our Lord, we can have eternal life. He has rejected God and tells me "Your God hates me". I know this isn't true, but he sites verses like this one, and tells me that my God has rejected him, so he can no longer believe. It is heart breaking. My son used to love the Lord, but now as a teenager with these feelings of attraction towards other males, and not towards females he is so full of hate for all of Christianitiy. He's full of tremendous rage and anger... I don't know what to do to help him. I've told him that Christ died for ALL who will accept Him... my son can't except Him because he feels rejected. He says if God is real, would create him to be gay, then call those feelings that are natureal for him to have sinful, then he must be a hateful God. It is hard enough being 15, without having to go through this. He sites old testament verses stating that he should be stoned. So many Christians treat homosexuality as the one unpardonable sin... why is that? The same verse that condems homosexuality also condems idolatry... aren't we ALL guilty of that? What about coveting? Who hasn't coveted what someone else has? Isn't the truth that the unrighteous will not enter the kingdom of God without Jesus? Maybe this verse like so many verses in the Bible has been taken out of it's full context. I look forward to responses... any advice, any light that can be shed on how to explain this to my son.

Explain 1 Corinthians 6:9 by reading 1 Corinthians 6:11.

Sue, I have a Son that is gay. When I found out I cried and dropped to my knees and started praying. I reached out everywhere I could think of for prayers. The Lord never told me to stop loving him, the Lord told me to love him more. I never felt shame, I only felt fear. I LOVE The LORD with all my heart and I trust that he has a plan for my son. I don't go around telling people they are sinning. I show them the way to the Lord by loving them and leading them with a gentle hand. God has removed my judgemental heart through all of this. I continual hear how homosexuality is the worst sin.... I had two abortions( murder), I've gossiped( destroyed lives) had lustful thoughts, negative thoughts about people etc.. We are all sinners, plain and simple. It's very important that we share JESUS through our lives and testimonies. My heart breaks for the Mothers and Fathers that disown their children for being gay or messed up...GOD will never quit loving your son and HE will never quit pursuing him. Love your son as JESUS loves him. ... Unconditionally!
Love

Sue, I have a Son that is gay. When I found out I cried and dropped to my knees and started praying. I reached out everywhere I could think of for prayers. The Lord never told me to stop loving him, the Lord told me to love him more. I never felt shame, I only felt fear. I LOVE The LORD with all my heart and I trust that he has a plan for my son. I don't go around telling people they are sinning. I show them the way to the Lord by loving them and leading them with a gentle hand. God has removed my judgemental heart through all of this. I continual hear how homosexuality is the worst sin.... I had two abortions( murder), I've gossiped( destroyed lives) had lustful thoughts, negative thoughts about people etc.. We are all sinners, plain and simple. It's very important that we share JESUS through our lives and testimonies. My heart breaks for the Mothers and Fathers that disown their children for being gay or messed up...GOD will never quit loving your son and HE will never quit pursuing him. Love your son as JESUS loves him. ... Unconditionally!
Love

Hey Sue. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I can sense the hurt, confusion and frustration. Both you and your son are in my prayers. Please know that your brothers and sisters are all facing trials to. God bless you and your son.

In response to your situation Sue, I can relate. My daughter was raised in a Christian home and also professed to be a Christian. Around the time of her teens she went astray so to speak. Later she told us she was gay, then transgender. She said she always was transgender, just didn't think we would have understood what it meant at the time. She rebelled against God and us and told us she "just couldn't do the God thing anymore." I was devastated. I hurt for her also. The only reason she was saying this was because she knew what the Bible had said about homosexuality and the Church's view (condemnation) of it. I grappled with the situation for a long time and still do; but I knew that despite what I could not fully understand that God still loved her and she needed to hear that. There were many times she despised herself and this had nothing to do with any condemnation on our part. I think teens and children in this situation need to know that however they got to where they are at, God is still authoring their life and faith and He wants to be apart of it. I think there is a lot we don't understand about this topic and the "how?" can be tormenting. My daughters departure (although short-lived) from the Faith was really a self-preservation self-protection move to avoid the ridicule she thought she would get from the "Church"; not GOD. Once I explained to her how much I loved her still, and how much God still loves her and wants to walk through this with her. Somewhere between hugs and conversations, and my affirming that I loved her, although I may not agree with her sexual orientation preference; she was able to open up her heart again to the LORD. Sometimes we as Christians are so quick to point the finger at others. Did we forget that it was while "we were yet sinners that Christ died for us!"Romans 5:8 I think many people in the church think that we should only love a gay person after they have been transformed to straight. That's insanity. And I bet if you shared that belief, if you do, would be music to your son's ears. He would hear something contrary to his perceptions of what a true Christian is. We can love people right where they are at. We are all being made perfect. Nobody is quite there yet. Admonish him that he doesn't have to turn his back on God, and even if he has, God has not turned his back on him. I spoke these words to my daughter. Now we can pray together again and I can see that deep down she still believes. I hope this encourages you. God bless.

This is how I read it, and how I also read Romans through to the end it is all about how completely lost we all are without Jesus as our Savior. I mean who has never lied? Everyone has lied at some point and time in pour life, and if you cannot even level lies, between real deception and white lies than aren't we all liars? Now I think that the distinction would be there is repentance, but even after repentance we continue to sin, everyone, it is in us as humans and the more we mature in love, we sin less perhaps, but we still sin. It is the struggle Paul wrote of and agonized over and then concluded his answer was in Jesus Christ alone and the love of God. I love my f2m trans grown child and I grieve over the loss of my dreams, the life I had wanted for her, the joy I had in having a girl because I desired a girl,these were my dreams. I have come to a place where I feel I am a Mom, to be Christian is lay myself down to God and God's desires. I am God's child, not His Mom, so I trust that God can heal my pain, can heal my mind and heart from the shock, can bring me to a place of peace in Him. As for my child, I will love my love my grown (though young-19) child and wait on The Lord, Let Him be Her Lord, that is His job, not mine. He is The Savior, not me. If He wants this changed, then He is only one with any Power to do it, not me. It is very hard on me to say him, to call my daughter my son, so I am just grateful I do not need to deal with it every single day and this waited till he left our home because it is hard, but it is simply not my battle. I had sex, got pregnant and birthed a baby, I fed the child, I clothed the child, I wiped the noses, gave the bath, I made sure the grades were good and school was taken seriously and that the child got enough sleep, I did all the things a Mom is called to do and it was hard, so I know I am strong like God is to do this, and I trust He is strong enough to do His Will.

Sue, many Christians conflate homosexual action and homosexual attraction. If you read all but the Romans 1 passages that deal with homosexuality (both OT and NT), you will find that God is clearly indicating behavior, i.e. having same-sex sex, as a sin. To be clear, you don't have to be "gay" to engage in same-sex sex (some prisons inmates for example) -- some people are curious about the experience or just want some sexual release regardless of how they're getting it. For a son or daughter to say "I'm homosexual" means that they are attracted to the same sex. It's not a sin to "be gay" -- it is a sin to "do gay" i.e. have same-sex sex. While we must "love our neighbor as ourselves," we also can encourage our gay/lesbian children to be sexually pure, i.e. marry an opposite-sex partner and have sex (assuming they'd want to) or stay celibate. We believe our 12 year old son may be gay. If he "comes out" some day, this will be our message to him -- consistent with the message we've been telling him and our other children as part of our Christian sex education.

Every site I read says accept accept accept. It is all about a parent turning a full 360 to what they have ALWAYS believed, to be loving and accepting of what they don't agree with. And that is it, and if these parents don't CHANGE how they think and feel then they are awful parents........ I just can't wrap my brain around that. I mean I am sure majority of parents of gay children, raised them to think the way they do, against being gay. But, when the gay child says they are gay and are shocked the parent is upset, then the parent is awful. Why is this? It isn't something new, the parent never changed....... So, then the parent reads up on it (most I am sure do) to learn how to help their child. Try to figure out how to stay a family and deal with all this. How to keep their selves together much less their child. And, we find out our reactions, if we speak the truth of how we feel about this situation (unless you are really mean and awful about it) makes you the bad guy. There is nothing about parents being suicidal or how parents may be so lost and confused and hurt and scared. All we read is don't talk to your child about your feelings on this because they may kill themselves. So, then the parent is in MORE fear. There is no how to make the parent feel comfortable about this. It's all or nothing. Well, no, I have believed it was wrong WAY before I had my child. Blame it on how I was raised if you would like, but I have siblings that feel differently so that isn't it. I gave my child a gray area to agree on. I have another child that I am raising. I don't need that child being bullied like the gay one or confused like the gay one. Nor do I want to raise the other one thinking it is ok with me because it still isn't just because my child happens to be gay now. But, my child is angry with me. This child wants to yell it from the rooftops. March in parades and wants everyone to know. Well I am not having it. I can be accepting of it and may warm more when I am around it more. But, this is as good as I can do. But, it is a no go for my gay child. Where is the answers to what to do with that? Accept accept. Well they need to accept accept this is me. I don't feel comfortable with it anyway, but I am trying to show my child I STILL love them and am TRYING!! So, please anyone giving advice to parents. Understand asking someone to be all accepting with something that they have NEVER been ok with is like asking a gay person to be straight. Please find another way to help both the parent and the child deal with this!!!!!

I'm in pretty much the same boat as you when my 13 year old grandson (who I am raising) announced to the world and me via facebook that he believes he's bi-sexual. He's done all the online research obviously because he knew exactly which scriptures to throw back at me....like stoning in the old testament, etc....and honestly, I reacted badly, very badly. He blind sided me and that probably had a lot to do with it. We've only discussed it one other time at which time he asked me to answer his questions without giving him the Biblical answer....which I told him I cannot do, because THAT is who I am and the basis for my life. I'm trying hard to show him that I love him, but I've also told him that I cannot lie to him and tell him that it's "ok"....he has a girlfriend, but has never been sexual in any way with anyone, male or female...so I'm constantly wondering if it's just natural puberty stuff, but I've raised two sons and never dealt with this. For now, I'm praying for wisdom...

I agree with you Mom, I just had my 15 yr old tell me they were gay too.

As a new parent of a gay child, I couldn't agree with you more. It is very frustrating. I believe that these kids do not choose being gay but I believe that the Bible is clear and has also designed the family unit as one man, one woman and children who need a mom and a dad. That is biblical marriage which is what Christians should embrace. Non Christians who are gay may get married according to the law but that is not biblical marriage and would be wrong for two Christians who are gay to embrace. I believe the Bible means what it says in that men should not lie with men and women with women and that it is wrong just as having sex before marriage for a heterosexual couple before marriage is also wrong.

As I read the comments of parents just learning their child is gay, I find myself seeing my side as a gay child and my mother's.  I am not a new gay child.  I am 56 year old and still having this crazy life of hiding, keeping my feelings to myself, having a relationship in secret, telling mom I am no longer having relations so she won't feel guilty, blame herself or worse decide to hate me because the bible says I am an abomination.  After going  years celibate  to please her and devote myself to God, I finally realize that she thinks the same ole thing with no mental renewal:  I am loathed at the thought of you that way, God hates it which means I have to, my disdain for you is therefore excuseable.  Why can't you just try being straight, have you ever loved or been attracted to a man? Mom, the answer is still "no!"  Why can't you just be a eunich?  I'm not having sex with my unequally yoked husband either so you should be able to go without too.  Even though you have stopped working on your job to save my life, offered the deed to your house for a healing miracle for me and put yourself in financial, spiritual, mental and physical ruin just to keep me alive, I am still "never" going to accept or live with you no matter what amends you make with God or your sexual "non-habits."  Parents, think ahead years from now about that same young child you are perplexed and struggling with in their sexual orientation.  That child may someday be older with the exact same feelings.  Today after hearing my mother's mind still has not changed toward me, I ask myself, is it worth it?  Is it worth me denying myself so she will feel relieved that she has rescued my soul from the pit of hell.  Is it worth it for me to go years and years of no physical touch, hug, kiss or anything else from another human being in order for her to feel better in "her" spirit? Today I feel resentful. Resentful because I "have" sacrificed myself like a lamb on an alter for her.  I am an isolated hermit because I chose not to interact with "gay" communities since the ones i have interacted with do not share the same sincere love for God in their world.  My Christian upbringing thought process does not work well there.  Then... I do not "fit" in the church because I will not live a lie they want me to live of marriage and children.  The church even after my years of celibacy still does not accept me, still finds me strange and unembraceblie. I try to tell myself that this life is just a blink in comparison to eternity and it should be easy for me to go an entire life alone.  Guess what?  I am an older gay parent's child and it is "not!" Most of your kids are so new they don't know anything about who they are as human beings and definitely don't know anything about their sexuality enough to help you handle it.  I do.  I "have" experienced relationships, some lasting longer than traditional marriages 5 plus years.  Think about what you are asking your child to do in the long run.  Asking another individual especially your offspring to chose a straight life, or not be in a relationship "forever" with no intimacy or sexual encounter is "UNREASONABLE!"  I am living proof of that.  How do I know?  I've tried it! over and over and over again.  Do you know what my mother told me on yesterday?  That I was scaring her.  That I needed to be delivered because I told her I loved her more than my own life.  She thought I was expressing "gay" feelings toward her.  That hurt me to the core.  It meant all she saw and heard was a homosexual in sin.  She didn't see my love for her.  She only saw what she originally hated in her heart...a gay daughter...I was torchered in school being a christian's child with required long dresses and no pants, never allowed to go to school activities because it was in addition to being gay...a sin. No sports, no movies, definitely no dating. Bullied and beat up every day from the age of 9 until graduation day of high school for the love of fulfilling "Biblical" principles.  THAT has been my punishment having a christian for a parent.  Self esteem issues...don't even talk about it.  Pouring holy oil on my head in my teens forcing me to get down on my knees to call Jesus name and read the bible to cast out my gay demons.  THAT is what "I" as a christian's gay child had to experience.  Now after all that, I forgave her and she forgave me...or so I thought until yesterday.  In retrospect, I'm wondering why am I listening to her.  She's in the flesh just like I am.  She's trying to get to eternal life just like me.  She does not have all the answers.  Nobody does. Who's to say, when it is all said and done and we stand before the king he looks at me and says...You being gay was not my concern...your choice to love me "was."  NO-ONE in this forum knows with 100% certainty that will "not" be Christ's resolve in this issue.  You are not foreboding, you have never died, gone to heaven and returned with all the answers direct from above.  I know this...no one in this setting is going to change their opinion or beliefs on this subject if they are rock solid and refused to be renewed under any circumstances.  I'll prove it!  What are the odds of a democrat convincing a republican to be a democrat in the span of a one hour lunch break. Very unlikely. That is why the work place is so inappropriate for racial or political discussions.  Yet people continue to push their opinions on others or strike up conversations around these topics in the wrong setting.  The democrats won't change a republican, no one can change the skin from light to darker melanin and most gays don't miraculously turn into a straights.  No one on this panel is going to change their "core."  My mom is 76 years proof of that.  We have battled this "gay thing" together for "YEARS!"  It has all been a HUGE waste of our time together!  Life is far too short to spin wheels on the internet with people you don't even know about what you think is a problem for yourself, your child and God.  Countless moments in argrumentive dialogue that fundamentally changed nothing.  The one thing you can NEVER get back is TIME!  Right now...you are WASTING IT fussing with this.  Get on with the business of "living."  That is what Christ died for.  To bring us life...to set us free...I guarantee you if you ask your child for over 45 years "not" to be gay...your child will NOT feel free! I can attest to that personally.  You don't need to tell your child another scripture in the bible about being homosexual.  You saying it isn't going to change their mind.  You are not convincing them with that.  If you've trained them in the word...they already KNOW it in their spirit. You are not stopping them from falling off of a cliff by repeating how much a sin it is.  It's not about you! They have to chose God for themselves. They have to want a personal relationship with Christ for themselves.  You can't pray it into reality.  God is not hard of hearing.  He heard your prayer the first time. If he did not respond back to you it means he does not think it necessary to.  You are his child. He is God.  He does not have to answer your questions or your requests. Accept that he has everything under control when we don't understand the way something is in our lives. Obviously we do not have all the answers or we would not be on this page. Some questions are not meant for us to ask or know the answer to because it's GOD's Business.  Maybe why your child is gay, has not changed from being so is none of your business.  LET IT GO!  God does not make mistakes!!! Your child being gay was not a mistake.  It was something that occurred in your life to turn you more into God's direction for wisdom, guidance and growth. Be patient and long-suffering in this with your child.  Don't make them after decades have past feel like they never figured life out, you out, or themselves, God, others...like they never got it right. If you love them, don't contribute to sending them in that spiral direction.  It's unnatural, unloving and unholy.  God is not pleased with such life torment for you or your child. This is a spiritual war.  You can't do what you think will "fix" your child with online chats or your redundant doubtful prayers to God. Our battles have to be fought with spiritual weapons. Just start singing a hymn in the spirit when you don't understand what is going on in the parent child relationship.  That unlocked Peter's chains in the prison! PROOF the weapon WORKS! Praise and thankfulness are powerful weapons.  Find ways to laugh and have fun with your child. DON'T be so SERIOUS!  It's not pleasurable to be around anyone like that.  Because you engage in fun and laughter with a child does not mean you approve of what they are doing!!!!  I've got to find a way to get back to that place with God after this recent blow from my mother.  I can't save her anymore from her loveless, Godless unequally yoked marriage and having parents the opposite in the home was NOT the answer to my childhood.  Mother father relationships often times do not work and are NOT God designed.  Mom and I would have done 100 times better without him on our own.  Her husband has almost killed her from physical neglect and she still because of the "bible" won't leave him to stay with her daughter because...she's "gay."  SHE is the one who needs to ask God to be DELIVERED!  I know this...what has gone on in my life with my mom is NOT what God intended because neither one of us is happy or in a healthy earthly loving relationship. Believe it or not...we are actually very close in most ways and many similar compatibilities.  However, she has decided to keep one section of her heart in the "do not cross if you are or have ever been gay zone" for me.  That feels really horrible as a child.  If I were a young inexperienced christian teenager I would run off to the nearest sexual encounter for release of frustration.  That is probably what your child would do if they had my prior history.  Yet, I have just an ounce of Christian growth left.  Enough to know that my body is not my own and I cannot simply thwart off to the nearest exhibition. I hope someone on this page opens their mind enough to receive at least one sentence I have shared with you tonight. God Bless...

I'm a Christian Catholic mother. Your words have helped in my own struggles to reconcile belief with reality. My oldest is much loved and just celebrated her first year of marriage to her new wife. I also happen to really love this new young daughter-in-law. Please no matter how nutty your mom has been to you, love her anyway.It seems like you've had  more of the Lord's good sense and love in you than many of us heteros .Just keep loving her and try not to take her mean words as anything but what they are-her own battles and demons.We all have to work with our own souls before we meet the Lord.You have been a good daughter to her.God bless you .

Dear Frustrated parent....if you see this, will you please contact me via email? I am going through this with my youngest daughter, and I am desperate for a like-minded parent to talk to. All these comments are so confusing. I feel like I am about to break. My heart already has. Your post is identical to the way I feel, and I have no idea how to handle this. If you see this and do respond to the above email, please label your response "Help to Frantic Parent" so I don't accidentally delete thinking it's spam. Please.

Frantic parent

Saw your post wanting to reach out to someone to talk to. I am in the same boat. Found out my son (age 18) is gay. Devastated! Also very confused. If you still would like to have someone to talk to, please reach out to me.

Sincerely,

Michele

Hi Michelle I'm also in the same boat having recently found out my 16  old son is gay.  I'm heartbroken to say the least and struggling to cope with this as a Catholic.

This is exactly how I feel. I can't accept it . Yet everyone seems to gloss over the scriptures to find ways of saying it is acceptable. I only have 1 daughter and 1 son. I am grief stricken. I want it to stop. My daughter told me and then went over seas and left me to deal with the repercussions of dealing with fsmily as she parades her relationship on Facebook. Being proud of it.  I feel like I have lost my daughter. She is not the same not the child I raised to be. Its been 2 years since she has left. I cannot get to this acceptance stage of this cycle of grief. This is supposed to be support for the parents. It is supposed to be about how I feel not what my daughter is feeling. She is over the other side of the world having a wonderful time with her girlfriend. I feel like I am expected to be happy that she is happy.She is not in any sort of grief to want to commit suicede because the world is on her side not mine.I don't feel I can express how I feel because it's all about accepting the child. How hard it is for them and how hard it was for them to come out. Well I am the one suffering from depression not her. Where is the comfort and help for the parents. This is about me. Not her. I am over all of it. 

I know exactly how you feal .My darling nephew has come out and we are all heart broken.He is 18 years old and his partner 28 ??? last year that would have been grooming ,but in this gay enlightened world we cannot say one word against the situation or he storms off. This older guy has also just had his car repossessed and my nephew,who has just started work ,is being very secretive about his money etc .There has been talk about them moving in together and when quizzed about how they are going to afford it...another storm off and row and of course we know,understand nothing ,he sends his mum,my sister these big text messages all on the same theme what a terrible mother she is ,how she has failled to understand/support him etc all because she said that as a Christian she could not accept,condone his behaviour and even if it had been a 28 year old woman we as a family would have grave concerns .He will not talk to us is lying constantly and shutting us out,only a few short years ago he was a loving well adjusted darling boy.This feels like he is possessed or something and we just don,t know where to turn x

Do we know if someone is living a gay lifestyle if they believe in Jesus, can they still go to heaven?

Darla, I am in the situation with my 17 yr old daughter and she didn't tell me . I found out through her phone at 16 yes old and I became I'll and angry. One thing I learned in my walk with Christ is that we CAN NOT change anyone. I couldn't change myself until I sought Him. It didn't start off well with us when I found out and now this shooting in Florida she mentioned it to me because I Dont watch the news much but what she left out is that it was a gay club. When I looked it up I became sad for 2 reasons and you know why. She is talking about going to college in other states and I am wondering is it because she wants to be free to be who she thinks she is in her mind. What I have done is she still goes to church with me and I am honest about sin ad consequences. I us myself as a example all the time so that she can see the beginning and the end rest of sin and the problems that come with sin. I show her sin actions of her siblings and the end result but I do not due is say they are bad people, I say they are lost and trying to find their way BUT I always say the way to get things right is through Christ. We have a really good church home and our Pastor is young and he explains the Word so that it is plain to everyone. Telling the TRUTH and giving examples of the suffering when you do not follow the truth so the young people can relate without being sugar coated. So the battle is now with me now, learning not to think I can change her. I pray for Mercy and Grace as she is just now starting her journey in choas in the mind. The enemy thinks he has won and wants to destroy me by this but MY GOD has the victory. So when the enemy shows its ugly head I smile because no matter what she choose to do with her life, it's her choice. I have shown her the way in Christ. I will love her and she knows I do not except it but I love her not her choices. As Christ does for us, until we choose to change through Him or sin destroys us. Its that simple but its the hardest lesson that I have had to learn since following Him. It still brings tears because they do not know the destruction that is coming their way but maybe it will push them to Him when enough is enough. The people that lost their life today, I Dont have answers but not everyone gets the chance to make it out of their sin before they go to sleep. Unfortunately not everyone wants to change. That's the choice God has given everyone but He doesn't force anyone, so we can not either. I pray for strength for everyone who has a loved one lost in Any sin that is leading them down a dark path.

You're living my life..... Want to be email pals?

Our 28yr old son has just told us he is gay! We are shattered and trying as a Christian, caring family to come to grips with this. He is a beautiful, wonderful child, has always been and will always be and yet somehow I yo-yo now between love and admiration and absolute dispair and disbelief. He has handled the situation with his usual dignity and compassion, concerned more for us his family than his own needs which he has kept secret and struggled with for so long keeping everything totally secret for fear of how we would deal with it. I honestly don't know how to go forward in this. Please pray for us all.

My son has always dated girls & up until his girlfriend didn't want to be with him anymore he has always said he didn't like people being gay or lesbian. He has always said he was straight and then he met a person that is a trans sexual but still has man parts but boobs and going through the change and he was with this person. Is he gay now. I am so traumatized by this, it goes against everything I have ever believed in & I can't even touch my son or want to be around him. It has me so repelled. I don't know which way to turn.

Devastated, I was on the beach today and melted into the sand, from my daughter's phone call.

My 28 year old son confirmed today what I have feared for years, that he is gay, not only that, but that he has a boyfriend, he screamed at me how my religion was a lie and that he hated God and that I had ruined his life with my twisted religion. He sobbed uncontrollably and told me he had to live life as himself. I had feared this for year but hoped for the best, given him books, prayed, cried out to the Lord., it was like he was preparing me ahead of time for this moment and I'm O.K just awash in a deep sadness - the thing is he told me nearly all of our family and friends know, just his dad and I didn't know. well of course I go through all my failures as a parent and I am in deep sadness in regard to his turning his back on God. He hugged me and apologized and I know I will go on but it has just drained the life and joy out of me today. However, I will never give up, I will keep on praying that he would taste and see that the Lord is good. People look to me as a leader, a strong Christian, and I cannot help but think how this has taken the wind out of my sails and will make me more approachable and real to others in need, my perfect life, is not so perfect.....this is a terror come true for me, but I trust in my father in heaven, never will he leave me, never will he forsake me.

I've been searching for a site like this. There's so much support now offered to those "coming out" and not much for those still holding on to Biblical truths. My son confirmed my worst fear 6/12/16 I had suspected for years but buried my head in the sand about it. He is 25 and was raised to know I believe homosexuality is a sin. I know he didn't come to his conclusion overnight & I know he's actually studied the Bible far more extensively than I have. I've done the best I can do, he's accountable to God for his actions. I can only love the sinner and hate the sin. This is an area we both know we will never change the other on. I've also realized people are too quick to judge...yes it's a sin, God hates ALL sin! It's not for me to pick & chose His level of disgust for it. Jesus bore the weight of ALL sin on the cross. Those who use scripture to instill fear are not showing Christ love & I've seen the enemy use that to his advantage time & time again. Your child knows how you feel...don't ever compromise with sin but hold to the truth you have.

I have a couple of questions. My 12 year old son has confided in me that he thinks he might be gay. I fear for his future because of him being bullied in school possibly all the way to him possibly marrying one day. I as well as my entire extended family are Christians. But I do know that if he were to come out to my husband and my parents that they would flat out disown him. I don't know what to do. I want to support my child but I've always been taught that being gay is a sin. I will always love him no matter what and stand behind him 100%. How do I handle this situation with my husband and family being so against it? Any advice would be appreciated.

My heart aches reading this thread. My child, who I adore, is planning to marry her girlfriend this year. She is so young, not yet 21. As Christians, her mother and I are having a hard time. We can't lose her. We can't agree with her and be happy for her (which I know she wants). I want a manual to show me how far I can go with my love for her and not compromise my beliefs. Its too easy to say, love the sinner, hate the sin. This is real life. Real conversations.
Real expectations of how a parents loves and accepts their child. I won't lie, I want it all. I don't want a hard life for my child. And there I go, talking about what I want. And not giving my child what they want. Total acceptance. I don't believe she has ever felt unloved by us, just not totally accepted with this side of her life.

When you find this answer, let me know. I'm in a rough place with my sonvnrye

I have known for 25 years that my daughter is a lesbian. If my family is aware, they do not acknowledge. My husband, her stepfather, knows, as well as her father. Yes, it broke my heart to learn that she is lesbian. However, she advised me of such while she was in college. She has a twin sister that is heterosexual with family. Her sister supports her 100%. She has been aware of my Christian beliefs from the onset. She is a Christian, attends church faithfully, helps others, has a huge open heart, serves her community, assists the undertrodden., both personally and professionally. I do so understand your heart being broken. After all these years of being with her partner, she just announced that they are planning to be married !!! Whoa! Reality check for her mom. I must say that once, again, my heart broke. I guess that I never imagined that she would want to marry her life partner! She gave me the option of "wrapping my head around this" or not. I must say, thank goodness for the internet!! I visited many Christian web sites trying to find information "to soothe my soul.". I did advise my lesbian daughter, that I would attend her wedding. After much research and soul searching, I feel at peace within my soul. I love my daughter and her happiness is very important to me, just as her sister's happiness is important to me. I don't believe that same sex marriages are "ok" in Gods eyes, nor are they in my eyes. However, I will attend as I believe in my daughter, and nothing will stop my love for her. Please know that she is forty something and announced her sexual preference around the age of eighteen or nineteen. I also wanted it "all" for my daughters. However, we don't get to choose for them after they leave the nest. I am most proud of both daughters. Both are extremely successful, well liked in their communities and respected. I pray for both of them, daily. I also pray to my God for my acceptance of my children's life choices

Although I don't have beliefs that support a gay marriage, when I advised my daughter that I would attend, she advised that her world is complete when she knows she has the love and support of her family. So continue loving your child and having faith in your God. All will be well in your soul. It really will.

im gay

same

I'm gay too

I am gay.... Been out for 23 years. I was raised in church. I know right from wrong. I believe in God and that Jesus died for my sins. I've known I was gay since the age of 7. Didn't know then what it meant, but the signs were there. So are we saying that Satan took over me at age 7? Even as a church going child and into my adulthood Satan posessed me? I think not. I am who I am because God molded me in his image.... As a kind, loving, accepting person of ALL . Has nothing to do with gay....

I've held the belief that my God makes no mistakes. I can say that he wanted me to be gay, for whatever reason, and he wants us to have the same romantic and sexual pleasures as his heterosexual children. I think many people forget that the bible was written by people, not God, and they may have had ulterior motives for writing certain passages. Jesus never said jack squat about homosexuals. He COULDN'T HAVE, because the word didn't exist at the time! Back then, human physiology was grossly misunderstood, and they assumed that men were inherently hard wired to be attracted to women, and therefore, assumed that men who felt romantic and sexual attraction to other men were choosing to destroy God's word.
So. There we have it then, don't we? The original Bible never mentioned homosexuality. And as for those OT lines that condemn "Man lying with man as a man lies with woman," that was when they assumed it was a choice. Even if it were a choice (FOR THOSE WHO SAY IT IS, IT ISN'T. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE. YOU KNOW NOTHING,) Jesus changed every law so that they technically weren't sins, anymore. That's why it's okay to wear clothes of mixed materials, eat shellfish, et cetera.
And for those who argue that it's fine, as long as men don't have sex with each other, that isn't really true. For most marriages, a healthy one constitutes a passionate, sexual side as well as a platonic, mental-love side. God wants everyone to enjoy those pleasures; he didn't design sex just for reproduction. He designed sex to be a way for any two committed, devoted people to lock themselves in a firm, intimate physical bond, giving all of their bodies to each other. If my straight married neighbors can do it, then so can me and my husband (I'm a gay man, by the way.)
I'm with Brian Radcliffe. We spread love, justice, and wisdom. Hopefully, I've taught some people here something new.

Thank you for the article and the comments. my 14 yo came out to his mom and me yesterday, we had suspected this for as long as I can remember, I've been crying a lot for the past 16 hours, not because I'm disappointed but because I'm fearful of the challenges the world is going to throw at him, life is hard enough as it is and God just tossed a big curveball, Last night he sat his mom and I down in the living room and said "I'm afraid you are going to hate me because of this, because at the youth group they say it's an abomination", his lips were turning blue, and he was trembling. I sat him on my lap and hugged him and told him "we love you so much it hurts and we will always love you". It's going to be hard, but we have faith that everything will be OK
Please keep my family in your prayers, we really need this
tks
Sam

Sam, praying for you, the wife and your son. I know your son's revelation has been devastating. I pray that you will continue to show him love, mercy and grace, yet hold firm to God's admonition against our disobedience. I think of how Christ handled and dealt with the sin of those with whom he came in contact during his earthly ministry. He never condemned those who he came across or were brought to him. Instead, he loved them ... even felt compassion for them. That said, he always left them with an admonition to no longer sin. Love your son...pray for your son.

If it is a sin, then why did God create those born with both sex organs? How does the human know what sex God intended? What if the parent chose the wrong sex for their child to grow up as?

Look at children who display themselves at a very young age..as the opposite of what they were born? They weren't taught that.

I have to believe God is a loving God. That he wouldn't impose such a burden on one of his children...that they are forever sinners.

I am heartbroken reading many of these messages. I have a 12 year old daughter that is told me she is gay and that she no longer believes in God. I was more heartbroken about the fact she didn't believe in God. How can all of you Christian people promote such hate. This is why she feels this way. It makes me shameful of my religion and beliefs. I told her God is love and anyone who tells you differently is not Christian. She asked me how you can murder someone and have forgiveness granted... but the same isn't offered for loving someone of the same sex. I love my daughter, and this is a struggle for me... I would rather have her honest and love herself then many of the other roads these young teens go down because they feel rejected and hated by GOD! Think about that... it's shameful... I felt so much hope reading the article and feel worse than I started with many of these responses... makes me question the faith I have raised my children with. I told her she needs god... not matter her sexuality because he will always lift her in light and be with her... I think many of you are brave in writing behind a computer... but if you look into the hearts of these young children.. gods children... you might be the abomination.

As a strong christian for 22 years nothing has made me struggle more than this topic. Being a data driven person I believe most people who are LG are born that way its not a choice.

It sits horribly wrong with me that two adults who choose to spend time together, are attracted to each other, and choose to spend there life together cannot be accepted by the church as a whole. That any committed relationship is considered wrong!!

Heterosexual relationships are about so much more than sex just like homosexual relationships are about so much more than sex, how is that wrong?

Its easier for me to believe being swallowed by a whale, fasting 40 days, etc than to believe 21st century LG relationships are wrong.

There are denominations that have split right down the center on this issue and they physically split.

I work with LG people who long for God or are good people and just dont know how their life fits with doctrine.

I dont have a answer, but I dont believe the answer is damnation and if it is well that makes just about ZERO sense.

"It is tragic to forfeit a child's earthly peace by making your familial love conditional upon their sexual orientation or identity, just so you can try to coerce them into your interpretation of heaven."

http://www.chicagonow.com/sex-positive-parent/2016/10/so-you-think-gay-p...

My 18 year old left us a note last spring break that she was "bi" & in love with a girl...while my husband was out of the country. She did come home & it has been a rough journey, but long story short, we have overcome a lot & still have a pretty good relationship with her. We have been clear about our position AND our love for her. She is now a freshman in college & we still have a lot to overcome, but I highly recommend the book "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach. I would also give you this bit of advice that was given to us...remember that some influence is better than none. You can give grace without compromisinge truth. You can disagree & remain in relationship. Be careful with your restrictions because they will be welcomed with open arms by the LGBT family. As Christians, we must love them the MOST. Also, give yourself lots of time to process & pray for wisdom constantly! Hugs to you, friends. Find some good people you can confide in who can walk this with you! https://youtu.be/ePGCOe_wM-g

Hi i understand i found this out today too. My first feeling is why and then i remember crying before my daughter came home. I found out via a phone all. I think its best i just listen i did cry out to Jesus on the stairs and the pain in my heart lifted and i felt i love her more. On seeing her i must understand she's confused and gods not the author of confusion. Gods promise is for my family so no matter how long it takes and gods been preparing me for days with quieting i choose to believe in the power of god unto salvation and to know that he has his eye on Rosie and that love never fails. I was led to a scripture highlighted for me months ago. Jesus said he who is without sin let him cast the first stone. Jesus didn't condemn her . I know my little girl believes in God aged 8 she walked around asking friends do you believe in god. She's helped me enormously and had three tragic losses if she finds gods love in someone then who am i to judge. There is one judge and lawgiiver in just going to love her and trust in god. Amen

Frozen. Numb. Help. Less than an hour ago, this bomb was dropped on me by my 21 year old son. Paralyzingly. I know the TRUTH. He was raised in church his WHOLE LIFE. He is a believer, whole-heartedly. Someone help me. I'm TERRIFIED he won't make it to God's Kingdom now. I WILL NOT just hand him over to Satan's schemes. God LOVES this man! And so do I! I will NOT compromise God's word just to soothe sin. Luke warm. Half in the world, half with God. I know I've hurt him by crying when he told me. But I cannot pretend everything is alright. It's NOT. Please, someone, please.

Frozen. Numb. Help. Less than an hour ago, this bomb was dropped on me by my 21 year old son. Paralyzingly. I know the TRUTH. He was raised in church his WHOLE LIFE. He is a believer, whole-heartedly. Someone help me. I'm TERRIFIED he won't make it to God's Kingdom now. I WILL NOT just hand him over to Satan's schemes. God LOVES this man! And so do I! I will NOT compromise God's word just to soothe sin. Luke warm. Half in the world, half with God. I know I've hurt him by crying when he told me. But I cannot pretend everything is alright. It's NOT. Please, someone, please.

Hi Stacy, I realize you may have gotten over the initial shock since it was a few months ago. My daughter too was raised in the church her whole upbringing. How are you doing now? This is such a struggle for us. I spend many, many nights upon my bed thinking, thinking, thinking, worrying, asking, listening, deciphering, etc. etc. What I have come to realize is "I don't know if my daughter is going to go to hell?" Guess what? If she is a believer in Jesus Christ and has made him her Lord than she is saved. I presume the same to be true with your son. Our knee jerk reaction is to think well all of that went out the window. Why is that? God says that "if we believe in our hearts..." their expressing what they have known for a while doesn't now take them out of the kingdom. Are we without sin? And some of these children have not had sexual encounters yet. My daughter says she is transgender. It was about her "who", not her "do". It's her self that is in conflict with her body. It's so hard to grasp! But I have to believe that if she professes faith in Christ than she is saved! All of us think we are saved for doing so, and we sin still. We have to remember that God has not necessarily "changed" or transformed our child yet. And I am not talking about from homosexual to heterosexual. I am talking about from our old self dying and receiving a new spirit -- the born again experience. That is done in God's timing! We don't know what our child will be like when they experience this transformation. (John 3:7) It may no longer be them who lives, but Christ in them. They will be given new or other desires those of Christs'. We have to remember that we are a work in progress and nobody knows when that outpouring of the Spirit will come. -- It is like the wind! Do not condemn your child to hell. That is cursing -- and the devil would love for you to do nothing more than damn your child to hell. Jesus said "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit' (Proverbs 18:21). We must be careful what we speak over our children. We can choose blessings or cursings and God says "you will have what you say!" So choose faith. Choose Hope. Choose Love. Don't hand him over to the devil by damning him to hell or telling him he's going there. Jesus didn't use that approach, nor should we. LOVE covers a multitude of sin. Be encouraged. We don't know the end from the beginning. This is a fight of faith. Even if your child is gay the rest of their life, that doesn't mean they will be gay in heaven. Does a murderer murder in heaven? No. But if they believe in Jesus they will go there. Think about the men crucified with Jesus and they WERE MURDERERS. Yet, Jesus said that "today you will be with me in paradise!"Luke 23:43 Guess what that sounds contradictory to what Jesus said in 1st Corinthians 6:9) about all these wrong doers not getting to heaven. How can both of these scriptures be true? The one man was a murderer all the way up to his crucifixion!! HELLO! And he still got in. BECAUSE HE BELIEVED THAT JESUS WAS THE SON OF GOD!. When we get to heaven we will not be doing these things nor want to! We will be in a glorified body. A body which may be different than the one we are seeing our child in! But I am convinced that our challenge and goal should be showing our children, our sinners,,,,L-O-V-E. Would JESUS have done any less? God bless you and do not lose heart. We need to learn to love beyond our comfort zone. To realize that we cannot change only God can, and He may not do so till heaven. "If their conscience does not condemn you, then neither do I condemn you."

I'm so glad I found this page - I'd love to connect with other parents. My son came out when he was 14 (2 years ago). I'd known it was coming for many years. My view on the matter is that God doesn't make mistakes. My son didn't choose this lifestyle. It's not his "fault." I love him unconditionally AND I'm a Christian. Yes, it's hard sometimes to explain by I always use my go to: John 3:16...there are no exceptions to this!!

Good advice.

Xx

So here I am after another sleepless night. After another argument. He "came out" to me in May after a disastrous relationship breakup. Completely blindsided. Of course I said all the wrong things. Even down to saying that God took his father to spare him the heartbreak of finding out that he was gay. Yeah, I know, heartless. I love him so very much. He's my only child. But I'm alone in this and have no earthly idea how to handle. Last night's argument? I finely admitted that my heart was broken. I wanted the best for him. I knew his way was going to be paved with heartbreak, discrimination, not being accepted. I mean face it....we live in small town USA. Not only will those who have supported him all his life will now look down on him, but family will as well. And I guess I screwed up again when I made the comment to please not be so selfish as to bring a child into a same sex relationship. Boy, was that the wrong thing to say. Making it all about me? Yeah, I guess I'm a prime example of that. But again, I don't know anything about this. I'm alone in this. His father's recently dead and I'm still trying to heal from that. I know I can't discuss it with my family. And I try to show support and I want to be there for him. And I do love him, so very much. But I keep messing up. I keep saying the wrong thing. It's as if there is a mourning stage and I'm still in it. I need the time to drink this all in. I need to let go of MY expectations and realize that this is HIS life. But he doesn't understand that. He just sees that I'm never going to accept him and we're always going to disagree. Disagree, maybe. But what can you expect when that's what I've always been taught. Acceptance? I don't know if I can ever accept that he favors a man instead of a woman, but I know that I'll never not love him. I'll never not be proud of him. He's my kid. My life. The one good thing that I've ever done in this crazy world.

I m gay and I love guys

Good article, however I completely disagree with point number 5. Praying, wishing and believing will not make your child straight.
for all the moms out there. Praying , NOT wishing but standing on the WORD of God works and when you have done everything keep standing. Speaking in truth works, God is supernatural and he is able to do ABOVE ALL YOU CAN THINK OR IMAGINE. Wishing won't work. Believing in your heart will, declaring the word will. I can point you to several testimonies I have seen and one that I saw with my own eyes. I have also seen God healing cancer and yes in my own house.
Love your child just like Jesus would but also stand in Word. Remember that our fight is not against your child or my child our fight is against principalities and rulers of the world. If God can do it for other people he can do it for you! our job is only to Love and to BELIEVE he can do it.

I'm sorry! I know you're religious but you're all insane and need serious psychological help. If you can't love your Children, want to change them and/or you will disown them, you need to contact social services and have them safely removed from your care. I'm not trying to be rude but you will damage and destroy your children's mind if you carry on like this. You're behavior is not fair and you shouldn't inflict it on your child.

Being an older Christian who was raised in a very strict Christian home I carry through life some biases which I have had to deal with in regards to life and its sins. When our adult son came out to my wife and I that he is bi, our world shattered. "Our world shattered." I am sure his has been shattered for quite some time. I am struggling with this personally and vocationally, because I am a conservative pastor. I have prayed and wrestled with the purity of Scripture and my understanding of man's relationship with God. Do I believe that homosexuality is a sin? Yes. But I also believe that divorce is a sin, and lying is a sin, and cheating is a sin, and pornography is a sin and these (and many more) keep us from a rightful relationship with God. It is only, ONLY, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that corrects my relationship with my Creator (John 14:6) and that is ONLY by grace (God's grace towards me). Is my son still my son, yes (and he always will be), but our relationship is strained; just like our relationship with our Heavenly Father is strained (not removed) when sin enters our lives. So, what do I do now? I don't have all the answers, but I do know that I will keep standing on the truth of Scripture that all sin is wrong and knowing that I will try to be a channel of God's grace to my son and to anyone else who sins. (Romans 8:38-39)

For you parents struggling with this, my prayers go out to you. I pray God gives you strength, knowledge and endless amounts of love. For people believing that this is how God made you. My heart goes out to you. My God open your eyes. Satan has corrupted this world for so long things seem to be Gods fault and not his. My 18 year old daughter came out to me two days ago, trembling and crying in fear. What courage that took knowing my love for God and what His word says about it. All I could do was hold her, and tell her I love her very much. She knows how I feel. She knows I will not accept it. She knows I will never stop praying and talking about God and his love and grace. No words were spoken after I told her my love for her. She knew. I knew
.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

i am a girl who, (btw), has a fiance (almost 19) who's parents don't like the whole homosexual idea at all. it's more of her female side rather than like her dad and such, but it hurts me because when i came out i was ridiculed and humiliated as well by my own family. they grew out of it to the extent of just not talking about the topic around me. i grew out of it but reading all of this made me soooo upset because of what her parents made her go through and make her live everyday, from how she dresses (being a stud) to who she hangs out with. i hate it but i can't say i dislike them because i have yet to actually meet the group myself as well as them giving me such a beautiful fiance. i just need advice on how i can help her getting her parents (primarily her mother) to at least discussing the topic with her without totally bugging out.

For anyone who is struggling with what they believe and were taught from Christianity, and their love for their child, here is my advice:

1. Choose love. Go with your instinct, and love your child, no matter what. How can that ever be wrong?
2. There is no reason to be torn apart or to be in anguish. Put your own thoughts, prejudices and fears aside, and repeat step 1: choose love.
3. If you really want to open your heart and end the suffering, or help your child who is angry at God, please ready any of the books by Neale Donald Walsch, such as Conversations with God. Books 1 and 2 are especially good. And rather than get caught up in "is it true", consider the big message: it's all about LOVE. I guarantee if you it will help end the confusion, fear and struggles you may feel with most things.

I'm the mom of a 26 year old gay son who hasn't come out to me yet but I hope one day soon he'll feel comfortable enough to do so.

I'm a Christian and my daughter came out to me 3 years ago. When she said it, my only reaction was to tell her that I love her. I reminded her that my only job was to love her and show her GOD'S love for her. That love would never change. I could not change her way of feeling but I would continue to love her. I told her to always remember to seek GOD in her times of trials and to Never forget the Love he has for her. I pray for her safety in this world and for protection. As a mother my only job is to love her and that is the message GOD has given me a reminder that she is his child before she is mine. I believe that and I believe in his Mercy for us all. I serve a Loving GOD and that's the kind of mother I will be. I will LOVE Always

I'm a Christian mom and my adult daughter just told me she is dating a lady, my heart sunk because I never saw this coming. She had been in a long term relationship with a male in the past? I also saw how she was seeking God wholeheartedly and that brought me joy. Reading her text telling she is with a woman now, I'm devastated but not defeated. I know the enemy will find a way to try to break me down, but he is messing with the wrong person. I'm not saying my daughter will change either, but as long as I live I will be praying for her salvation. I first was in shock, then angry but not sure at what?, and now just begining to digest it. This just happened yesterday. I'm not ready to have her bring "her" partner over the house, I love my kid but I don't love the sin and I wanted it far away from me (it's sad) it really breaks my heart, but I will stay true to God.

I am feeling so many emotions right now.We found out our 22 year old daughter who is attending a Christian College has been dating a girl.I have handled it very badly and am in a state of shock,I couldn't work today,went to see a counselor,and have stayed in bed off and on.I will never be able to accept this.I feel like I want to die

Lisa, I have the same problem. I would talk to you anytime.

I mourn for the human race. We have created a false god that meets us where we want him to. The true God is the same now as he was in the beginning. We are forgiven our sins through the blood of Jesus Christ. That is NOT a right to sin at will because "that's who we are".
1 John 2:4 "He who says 'I know him' and does not keep his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him".
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 " Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Jesus came to save us FROM our sin, NOT to save us TO sin.
Lucifer deceived 1/3 of Gods angels. Now he is trying to deceive us.
I'm not perfect or without sin. All I can do is identify sin in my life and try to not commit it through God's power.
Satan has been watering down the Gospel for thousands of years in hopes that we miss the mark.
I fear for my child's salvation NOT for their acceptance in this sinful world.

Our daughter, who like many of yours is Gay, is pulling farther and farther away from us and becoming more hard line in her opinions towards us and her. Mind you, we didn't know she was gay growing up. She liked boys and even had a very serious relationship with one for several years. She never, ever gave the impression she liked girls. We were flabbergasted to find out she did. What is further frustrating is if you are gay, you can't be bi because you are not gay enough and if you are bi you can't be straight because you aren't straight enough. it almost feels like "Being Gay" is about an agenda these days and furthering that agenda. If you disagree with that agenda, you are a horrible person. We accept she is gay, although she is confusing on the issue, but she flat out asks us if we approve and we say no. But that it doesn't diminish our love for you. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Apparently we are not entitled to our opinion if it doesn't fit her narrative of the gay world view.. We accept that she is gay, to the point where we brought her girlfriend along on a cruise with us, got them their own stateroom and even had the room steward put their two twin beds together as they are a couple. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. She will not speak to me and is hurt because I don't approve of it. Well I don't have to lie to her. No, it isn't my life, and it wasn't what I dreamed of for her but cut me some slack, I'm still figuring it out too. Trying my hardest. Tells me I am just an okay mom, even though I have spent years helping her fulfill her dreams which she now throws in my face as My Dreams For Her. Tens of thousands of dollars down the toilet so I can feel guilty. I am so over this enlightened tolerant - intolerant generation. We/I love her with every fiber of my being. Why would any parent think, Yes, I am so happy you are gay, now you get to live a life of hell on earth. You are going to be spoken about, to, treated poorly, made an example of and so on. Why would anyone be happy about this.

I understand how you feel. My 24 yr old daughter told me 2 days ago she is either bi or gay.  She is recently divorced from a man. I think things started to wrong when she married him at age 19 and she found out while overseas in korea (he was in the military) that he was cross dressing. She was devastated and wanted no part of. When they finally left korea he was stationed in Colorado and things just got worse as he started telling her he wanted to her to accept him and love him anyway. He was also bi but didnt know this before they got married. She tried to stay with him and accept his lifestyle but said couldnt and moved back home with us. She is now divorced and is finishing college. I said Hallelujah she came to her senses and can now finally get her life back on track. But low and behold she meets a girl in her college classe that was gay and she befriended my daughter. I really think after she told her about her worthless ex husband my daughter became a target. Well thankfully that girl dropped out of school and moved to another city. Okay back on track again. Or so i thought. Well come to find out my daughter had been introduced to a lot of this girls gay friends and they kept in touch with my daughter.  Then this new girl comes into my daughters life and she is gay also. Its like they were coming out of the woodwork and just smothering her with their affection and attention. And they wouldnt let her go. I really think they took advantage of her vulnerability of her divorce and confusion. So now she is telling me she is pretty sure she is gay and she has a girlfriend. This is so wrong on so many levels. I know my daughter was not born gay. I think she was exposed to the gay community and was manipulated into thinking she is gay.  She had a void in her life and i know in my heart if a decent young man with Christian values would have shown up before all of this she would not be thinking she is gay now.  Its this whole gay movement that is trying to increase their numbers so they prey on young people who may be struggling with relationships. Its almost like a cult. They give them everyhing they are missing out of life and make them believe they have always been gay they just didnt realize it until they met the right person. I love my daughter and i will not leave her side. But im so angry with our society letting this movement steal our children. 

I do not like the "hyper" grace message that purports justification through rationalization. Where are the gray areas in the Word of God? Really there are none. Why did God create mankind? What was his purpose? Wasnt it to procreate and populate the earth and to have a family who chooses to love and obey Him, trusting that he knows what is best for us. Now considering this as being true, then that couldn't be possible if there were men with men and women with women. God made them male and female and now you want us to deny God's truth and believe the lie of the enemy, that how God started it was wrong and man's way is right? All perversion is a sin and to continue in sin is a dangerous place to be. Read Hebrews chapter 4,6, 10 and Romans 6. Romans 6 says, shall we go on sinning that grace may abound, God forbid. I will never stop loving people who are trapped in Satan's lies, but my bible says, it is the Truth (His Word), not man's word, that sets people free. When man believes he has the answers to life's difficult questions or situations, then he has taken God off of His Throne and placed himself there, so he can become the god of not only his world but others also. Now does this remind you of the one who decided he would usurp God and take His Throne. We all know what the end result was there and what his future holds. Afterall, we dont fight against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities in high places. You mentioned that prayer won't bring people out of bondage. What a foolish statement! Sounds like you dont spend enough time on your knees. Jesus is the Savior, the only Savior and He paid the ultimate price, so we could be set free. No one but Him has earned that position. He said, "Follow Me." When He asked the woman who was caught in adultery, where are your accuser and they all had left and Jesus said, neither do I accuse you BUT (a big but here, but one he provided for the overcomer) "Go and sin no more." This is why continually and willfully sinning is unacceptable to our Lord because he gave us, not only a way of escape, but the power thru the Holy Spirit to be overcomers. Otherwise, He died in vain.

I'm going to be insensitive. It seems I have to for the sake of your children. What if the problem - like so many human problems - is one's inability to see that the real problem is attempting to understand something outside the limitations of a so-called holy book, which, basically, means a truth or knowledge that cannot or will not change as new information comes to light? It's not unlike trying to solve a seemingly ridiculous maths problem. For instance, an ancient text makes sacred the equation 1+0=2. On the face of it, and considering the antiquity of the equation (it's holy status), there's no need to question the truth of the equation. However, as our understanding of mathematics increases and we continue to add 'vocabulary' to the subject (maths) we eventually arrive at a more authentic truth, i,e 1+0=1. You see, there was a time in maths history when zero did not exist. We had no concept for nothing. No doubt there was even time when 'sacred mathematicians' rejected this new notion of a zero state.

What I'm trying to say is that there are two world views: 1) on your knees in subservience to a sky god, or 2) on your feet ready to understand the great diversity of life on Earth.

I speak for all the children who have to not only deal with their place in this universe, but also, sadly, the growing resentment and immaturity of their parents, extended family and community.

I believe and agree with this article.  I have repeatedly told my 23 year old son that I love him unconditionally and will welcome him and his partner in my home.  The problem is that because I will not 100% agree that the gay lifesyle is unabashedly correct, he publicly posts very demeaning things on Facebook about his homophobic family.  Unless we are locked step with him, he will have nothing to do with us.   A bit hypocritical...he wants me to accept him unconditonally while embracing his lifestyle but yet he wants me to change my spiritual beliefs about homosexuality.  Double standard to say the least. 

Thanks to everyone for all their posts.  I just found out today that my 21 year old daughter is gay.  I cannot say I am surprised, but I know it will take a while to process everything.

Thank you for this article. I have been tormented by this. My son is gay and I have no idea how to respond. He knows my husband and I believe it is a sin but I don't see this changing anytime soon. The only thing he can change is his willingness to act on his feelings however he does not want to be alone his whole life. I can understand that but it is very hard for me to see him with another male in an affectionate way. It feel it is unnormal.  I do love my son though. Very much. I do not want to reject him but this breaks my heart. What do I do when he decides to marry? Accept it? Say sorry I cannot attend? Do I avoid certain parts of his life? I just don't know. 

Thank you so very much for this article!  This is exactly what I needed to hear at this moment and has given me peace.  I am a newly re-born again christian and I have two gay sons.  I was struggling so much to make sense of things and your article has given me the answer i need.  I need only continue to love them without judgement and support them as any parent would.  You have eased my mind, i will trust in God and his plan and put this burden down.  Blessings!

This is an amazing article and reading the comments has been extremely helpful for me. I came out to my parents a few years ago and it was super messy. My mother especially was distraught and heartbroken. It was very, very hard for me. We are a close family and this really tested our relationship.

My family is Christian, I grew up in the church and taught bible study in college so it was a big shock to them when I came out. It went about as badly as it could but somehow, we patched up our relationship for the most part.

Then recently, I told them I was engaged to my partner and my mother was hysterical. Both of my parents refused to attend my wedding. I let it go, thinking they needed time to process. Later, I came back with the argument that if they could be there for my siblings (one who was divorced and another who went to jail) then they should be able to support my wedding. I didn’t want to have to explain to my partner’s family, who would be flying in for the wedding, that my parents couldn’t be troubled to drive ten minutes to their daughter’s wedding. How could I defend my parents’ actions to them or anyone else? To my surprise (though I probably shouldn’t have been), my arguments did not work.

I have been understanding and forgiving through all of this – I’m not perfect of course – but I feel like I deserve to have my parents at my wedding. Before I came out, I was so ashamed of who I was. I was depressed and near the point of being suicidal. When I finally accepted who I was, I felt freer than I’d ever been. My relationship with God opened up like never before and I stopped lying to everyone. Lies, especially ones made to protect a deep secret, corrupt and bind your soul unlike anything else.

This article and especially the comments helped me see it from my parents POV much better, though their lack of acceptance still hurts. I don’t know what to do. I want to respect my parents’ opinions and beliefs, but I also want them to be happy for me. I have an AMAZING partner who is stable, kind and to everyone else, clearly my soulmate. I have a good job, savings, no more depression and an all-around great life, yet in their eyes I am lost. I do not know how to help them see it a different way.

 

The truth is, a lot of the things they say are hurtful and threaten my own my mental health, but I love them so much. I can’t give them an ultimatum and I can’t break off our relationship completely. But just as they can’t compromise their beliefs, I cannot compromise mine. I cannot continue in this way of letting them speak such horrible things about my sexuality. I cannot support their decision to not attend their daughter’s wedding. I’m so disappointed and desperate. Any and all help would be great. 

I have a teenage niece who is gay.  She recently dated a boy so we were encouraged she was going through a phase. I feel the need to mention her generation is accepting and even forcing the issue it's okay to be gay. How sad the world is. Saddness my little niece would believe and think this way because she is simply lost. I told her I love her and nothing could ever change that, straight or gay.  I'm 40 with no children so she is like my own.  It was very hard for me, and hurt me to say it, but I had to tell her the truth that being gay is wrong, and it is, according to the Word of God which is ancient & holy. I told her that is the reason I trust it so much! I also explained to her I'm not her judge, only God is, and that He loves her even though she is gay she can find forgiveness through Him. There is no changing the truth God will not allow homosexuals or any other wrong doers into the eternity.  This offends a lot of people, but that is the way I understand it to be. I told her even as much as I love her, and all other people who sin (myself included) I will never go against my conscience or the Word of God.  I love God first above all others! I repeated myself over and over that God forgives all sins if she ever decides to reach out to Him she is not doomed.

The biggest problem here is we talk about God but not one verse of scripture is given! Romans 4:3 For what saith the scripture

Romans 3:4 God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

I have been searching for over a year now for someone (another parent) that are going through the same thing as me. I have searched my area churches for help but no one could point me in the right direction or give me advice. I have been so depressed. I have a 20 year old that I found out is gay back in Oct. 2015. It was DEVESTATING! I have tried to read books and find articles to get a christian perspective on this since but its been so difficult to find. Especially when you Google it and up pops advice from the LGBT websites.

I was meant to find this today! Do any of you know of any private support groups for parents? Like maybe a FB Private group page? Anyone live in the Dallas are?

Thank you guys.

Beautiful, great advice! ❤

I'm really having a hard time with my baby girl that's almost 19 yrs old that's always been so full of life and so much fun to be around... we were always so close and we've butted heads so much in the last 2 years cause she started changing so much, trying to hang out with lesbian girls and lying so much to us to get to do things that we don't approve of:( she lies so much that it's hard to believe anything she says:( last night she sent me a letter saying that she is lesbian and one day she wants to get married and she wants us to be part of her life and her children's cause she really wants to have kids someday...I don't know what to do :( I know it's wrong and it totally goes against  how we believe and how we raised her... as a mom that loves her baby girl, it hurts my heart so much:(she has so much potential and I feel like she's ruining her life:( that's not how God intended for her to be... HE Loves her more than I do... only God can change things and I'm believing for a miracle for my baby girl and for our relationship with her cause I feel like I've already lost her;( I love her so much... I have hope and I believe in God's promises and I know He hears our Prayers❤

I just found out days ago that my 20something daughter is gay. I was shocked.  I love her so much and that will never change. I told her that many times over in tears.  I also told her that it wasn't biblical and that I am not ready to discuss any of her new relationships. She understands that this will be a time grieving for me.  Although we have talked, We haven't discussed this topic since as I am not ready. I have cried many tears.   I feel like I've lost the baby that I once had.  So much has changed.  My dreams of her having a husband, children. I know it's not about me, but I am her mother And I want Gods best for her.   I  believe in healing. I wish that God would just speak truth to me. if she was born in the image of God, how can she be born gay? I refuse to condem her to hell. The story isn't written yet. God will make the crooked path straight. 

I'm 32 and I am a Christian that have faith in Jesus Christ our Lord. I do struggle with knowing that I am gay. I have even come to terms with it because I've been praying that the Lord will take this sin away from me. But for now it is a struggle. 

To give some of the parents a bit of perspective of what being gay is like and in the closet is loneliness and you also get good at hiding it from the public. I do not like being labelled as an LGBT and I also do not want to become straight when I have no attraction to the opposite sex. The world is a dark and lonely place for a struggling closetted christian gay. 

It's even a bit fearful to come out to the world about it. And I've tried everything to be attracted to the opposite sex by even acting straight. That's when I came to terms with it. The only person that truly knows that I'm gay is God. And he is a loving God but I know it is also a sin. It's not an easy road for a Chritian struggling with same sex attraction and it's something a gay christian will have years and decades alone. As a parent you have to understand that and you have to be loving and continue to tell your children that God loves you but it is still a sin but I love you anyways. 

 

I am a gay Christian that decided to stay single, not join and LGBT group, in the closet, and I attend a church, pray, worship, read scriptures, and repent by asking forgiveness from our triune god.

My son who is 20 just told me he met someone, then proceeded to say he is gay. I sat numb and speechless.

I keep thinking it will go away. Im very upset and sad. I love him dearly and am so concerned of his future.

Im afraid i will say something wrong to him.

Even tho it is something he has had to live with hiding hisself. This announcement has me in shock and I need to learn how to deal with it.

I told hime I love him and asked if we could take this slower.  I did say to him do you know what your getting yourself into....see im afraid of saying wrong things so have not talked anymore about.

I thought about telling a good friend of mine...I need someone to talk too. 

I dont know where to go from here. My son and I tslk sbout everything but him being gay....I act as if it is going to go away....but I know its not.

I just need to write my feeling.

 

 

Post new comment