Why We Can't Stay Silent

Silence can be viewed as giving permission for acts of discrimination, hate speech and violence.

The church needs to declare that discrimination, hate speech and acts of violence are unacceptable behaviors in a free society.

Silence lets stand the myth that same sex attraction is a matter of choice.

The church must help dispel the myth that sexual orientation, sexual attraction and sexual identity are the result of conscious human choices.

Silence allows the myth to go unchallenged that gay men have a high probability of being pedophiles.

The myth that gay men are likely to be pedophiles is at odds with all credible research to the contrary and must be challenged by the church as an unfounded fear.

Silence can be interpreted as supporting the idea that same sex relationships are fundamentally expressions of deviant behavior.

The church must affirm that same sex partnerships and unions are as much about the full expression of human love and affection as are heterosexual relationships.

Silence gives credence to those who assert that the Bible is the final and only authority on human sexuality and must be taken literally.

Insistence on the literal interpretation of the Bible has been used (misused) to justify everything from slavery to the subjugation of women to polygamy. The church must assert that Scripture requires disciplined inquiry and that our understanding of it must be informed by human intellect and experience.

Silence denies the right of public recognition of gay commitment to long term loving relationships expressed in the bonds of marriage and relegates these relationships to the status of immoral acts.

The church must affirm the legitimacy of all committed, loving relationships expressed in the bonds of marriage or sacred unions where marriage is not an option.

Silence does not help deepen our understanding of LGBT issues.

It leaves us to rely on misconceptions, myths and opinions expressed by others and results in a growing alienation of LGBT persons from the faith community. The church must embrace its role as educator to bring information to its constituents broadening the conversation and eliminating fear and misconception.

Many of our conversations on these issues in congregations and at denominational levels are neither informed or enlightened by credible, unbiased studies nor informed by first-hand engagement with the gay community.

Ground Rules for Constructive Communication

1. Speak for yourself, not others. Use “I” statements.
2. Do not interrupt when others are speaking.
3. Listen carefully to others’ viewpoints; listen to learn and understand, not to refute.
4. Paraphrase what you heard another say to clarify you have heard accurately.
5. Don’t label people. Don’t single out any individual as representing a group or point of view.
6. Address differences, not personalities. Do not question another’s motives, intentions, character or worth.
7. Avoid blaming self and others.
8. Do not personalize issues.
9. Assume that others in the group are of equally good faith and conviction.
10. Avoid unsubstantiated comments. Instead offer specific facts or information.
11. When you disagree with someone’s point of view, go on to say what you believe.
12. Look for points of agreement.
13. Be open to the possibility of developing a new position together and be willing to stay in the conversation.
14. After you leave, do not identify persons when discussing what was said in the group; respect confidentiality.

Adapted from Managing Church Conflict by Hugh Halverstadt and “Guidelines for Dialogue and Civility,” Grand Rapids Area Center for Ecumenism.

Creating safe space for dialogue and an environment of mutual respect in a shared quest has unfortunately become a counter-cultural value. The faith community has the opportunity to model for the larger society the civility the latter so often lacks. Setting norms for constructive conversation is an essential first step. In addition to the norms outlined above, it is also helpful to invite members of a group to discuss Romans 12: 9-18. Here Paul sets out a good set of norms for us to follow.